Evaluating Memory Care – The Decision

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After preparing as best I could by printing checklists and reviewing websites, I toured 3 memory care facilities. I eliminated one because of cost. After I analyzed my observations of the other two, I realized how similar they were in terms of cost, services, staffing, and physical amenities. They both would likely meet my dad’s needs in almost identical ways.

The only thing that skewed me toward one of them was trees – one had trees around porches in their outdoor courtyard and the other had screened porches and lower vegetation in a theirs; I always like more trees…but they are not as important to my dad now and having the option of being outdoors and protected from mosquitoes by the screened porches might be more important for his health.

In the end, I discovered that two of my sisters had made their decision before I even did my tours. The meeting to decide became very uncomfortable. As the oldest I tried to listen to all sides but came away emotionally battered. There was no way for me to thread the needle where it was a win for all. I believe it is a win for my dad because it will be significantly better than his existing situation, but I don’t feel like it was a win or a neutral for me…and it certainly isn’t a win for my sister that has, up until now, spent the most days visiting my dad. I am saddened that once my sisters and I get my dad moved, we will schedule when we visit him and minimize interactions between each other.

Families sometimes form stronger bonds under stress. Mine has split into factions. Sometimes there are inklings of good vibes like there were years ago, but we can’t seem to sustain them. At one time I thought perhaps I would enjoy living closer to my sisters when I was very old, but that possibility is not likely now. I remember that my mother went through the same thinking process and ultimately decided that living close to her children was a better option - so maybe this is family history repeating itself.

Ten Little Celebrations – October 2025

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October included some great volunteer and travel experiences…and plenty at home to celebrate too.

Road trip to Jefferson City – I celebrated the Missouri Department of Conservation Partners Roundtable (particularly Dr. Nadia Navarrete-Tindall talking about edible native plants), touring the Missouri capitol building, and Ha Ha Tonka State Park!

Corn on the cob from the grill - The temperatures were milder…we cooked on the grill more often and I always enjoy the corn on the cob cooked that way.

New faucets on bathroom and kitchen sink - My husband installed new faucets (with a little help from me holding things together while he tightened from underneath). The old ones had been leaking onto the counters when they were turned on. We are both enjoying the dry counters around the new faucets!

Season finale for the Butterfly House - I savored the final volunteer days and the celebration for the volunteers and staff.

Home school fair – I celebrated that so many people visited my table at the Home school Fair and seemed to enjoy learning about trees.

My car repaired – The damage to my car (mostly underneath) was repaired and I have already taken it on a road trip. I celebrated that it was fixed quickly and that it looks ‘good as new.’

Hiking poles – I cheered myself onward during my first test walk with hiking poles…have high hopes that they will help me avoid back pain on future hikes.

Memory care – I celebrated finding two memory care facilities that would be good candidates for my dad’s next home. My sisters and I had a difficult time choosing (and it was stressful)….not something I am celebrating.

New hot water heater and dishwasher – I celebrated that the new appliances were installed quickly…that the hot water heater is better for the environment (heat pump electric rather than natural gas) and the dishwasher is quieter than our old one.

A rainy day - The past few months have been very dry in our area so the rainy days in the later part of October were something to celebrate – although the rain came too late to have brilliant leaf colors this fall. The leaves are still mostly on the trees…muted colors.

Evaluating Memory Care Facilities – Again

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My sisters and I have decided the niggling issues with my dad’s current assisted living/memory care situation have become significant enough for us to research moving him to a different facility. The main issues are:

  • The staff yells rather than coming to get him for meals. He thinks all the yelling is directed at him (even when the are yelling for someone else to come).

  • He is alone in his room a lot.

  • His fingernails are always dirty, and the staff does not clean his electric razor.

  • When he doesn’t like a meal (usually because he can’t chew the meat well), they don’t offer anything else even though we provide protein shakes for that issue.

  • Things seem to disappear – clothes, towels, combs.

Some of the appealing aspects of the place we chose 2 years ago don’t matter as much now. For example, he is no longer physically able to walk in the beautiful neighborhood; he doesn’t see well enough to see the details of the trees and small garden near the patio which we have planted/watered although he does enjoy the yard furniture on the patio when it’s not too hot or cold. The smaller setting of a former house turned into assisted living/memory care has not led to interactions or friendships with the staff or other residents as we expected.

 I am being more thorough when I look for a place now and I have a checklist that I cobbled together from various sources(https://alzni.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/assisted-living-checklist.pdf, https://www.agingtogether.org/uploads/1/3/0/9/130908318/memory_care_checklist.pdf, and https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/memory-care-checklist).

I have three places that I am looking at in detail. I’ve looked at their websites and made an appointment for a tour. My sister filled in some of the checklist for one of them and I have incorporated the answers she got into the checklist I will use when I do the tour with them.

All of them are larger than where he is now…more institutional. They have more specialized staff because of their size – nurses in the facility on weekdays and on call the rest of the time, a chef. My sisters and I feel the responsibility making the best decision for him and his ongoing needs. We acknowledge that the move will not be without some anxiety for him and for us…but we are doing everything we can to make sure it will be better him (after the settling in time).

Road Trip to Dallas/Sustaining Elder Care – October 2025

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My October trip to Dallas was 4 days rather than 2 because my sisters and I have decided to move my dad to a different memory care facility….and we are exploring our options. More about that in later posts. I visited with my dad the first afternoon I was there and then the next three mornings. He is a morning person just as I am.

The drive from my home to Dallas was a sunny fall day. I made my usual stop at the Texas Welcome Center on US 75…noted the beautyberry there. The high point was a tree I had not noticed before because it was a little further from the path. It was an oak but not the same as the trees near where I park. The lobes were rounded…so a type of white oak. The acorns were huge. I realized that it was burr oak (Quercus macrocarpa)! I picked up an acorn from the ground, and it will become part of my tree table materials!

The day had warmed up enough for my dad to have some quality time out on the patio. Someone had already watered so I just enjoyed talking to him and taking some pictures of the late fall blooms/seeds. All the plants were ones propagated from his last house. I found myself wondering if we would put as much energy into plantings at a new place. My mother always enjoyed the garden more than my dad.  He likes getting outside but more for the sunshine and walking than garden views.

We did some rounds of easy physical therapy exercises and worked on a 300-piece puzzle that had been started previously…or rather I worked on it with him saying he couldn’t see well enough but enjoying the feel of the interlocking pieces I put in place. I purchased a 35-piece puzzle that I left for one of my sisters to start with him. Maybe he can do that one by feel. We are realizing that at some point, the puzzles will drop off his activity list.

He wants to wear long sleeved shirts and a quilted vest even though the residence is kept relatively warm. One of the staff people teased that he somehow senses what the outdoor temperature is and dresses for the outdoors!

Sustaining Elder Care – September 2025

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My September trip to Texas to see my dad was at the time of year that the sun rises about the time I make my first rest stop. There were enough clouds to make it worth photographing.

At the Texas welcome center about 4 hours later, the beautyberry and turk’s cap were looking good.

The temperature was about 90 degrees by the time I got to my dad’s assisted living residence in Dallas. We went outside to water plants (the sunflowers are looking good) but we opted to go back indoors to do his physical therapy exercises. He is managing them relatively well, but they seem to wear him out more quickly than just a few months ago. My sisters and I are staying focused on the exercises with him so that he can maintain is mobility as long as possible.

The next morning, I was there before breakfast, and the temperature was pleasant outside. We did the physical therapy exercises on the patio and talked about the plants that we had brought from his house and the tomatoes that aren’t doing so well this year. Sometimes he seems to remember…sometimes he just shrugs. But he still seems to enjoy the time outside listening to planes coming and going to Addison Airport.

We didn’t work on a puzzle. The last few times we’ve tried, he complained that he couldn’t see. His eyesight is problematic so it could be the new reality.

My strategy is to simply accept him the way he is, encourage him to do the things he can (maybe stretching a bit beyond on some of the physical therapy exercises), and enjoy our time together.

Road Trip to Dallas and Sustaining Elder Care – August 2025

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My road trip to Dallas in August was over 3 days rather than 2 since the sister that visits my dad most frequently was taking a vacation. There was rain as I drove through Oklahoma on the drive down and then on the third day as I headed home….but the drive was dry on the ends (Texas and Missouri). It wasn’t as hot in Texas as I expected although the air quality was yellow the entire time I was in Dallas (and red in the later part of one day when I was, luckily, indoors).

The garden my sisters have maintained at the assisted living residence needs watering every day and we all take Dad out when we do that. He sits on the patio in the shade and enjoys the change of scene and outdoors in general. The house bought a new hose recently, so it was easier to maneuver without some of the plastic coming off the hose. There are peppers, tomatoes, and chives in a raised bed.

The sunflowers are at all stages of development. Next time I go, I will get some seeds to plant in my garden for next spring. I noticed that the miniature rose bush is surviving and there are some small Texas rock roses that my sister has managed to transplant successfully.

The temperature was pleasant enough that I decided to prompt Dad to do his PT in the patio chair. We were out long enough to see a lizard and katydid. On the last morning, I noticed there were lots of mosquitos, so we went back inside before finishing the round of PT…did the rest inside! I didn’t get any bites…and I hope he didn’t either.

The surprise at the residence was the staff finding out a company was coming to treat the kitchen for bugs…they quickly cleared the cabinets and asked if some of the things they weren’t using were ours. They were things we had brought from my parents’ house when they first moved to assisted living thinking it would help with the transition to have things they recognized. They did…but it’s been over 1.5 years now and my dad doesn’t remember any of them. My youngest sister packaged them up in reusable win bottle bags and took them home.

I enjoyed lunch with my youngest sister on the second day…splurged on a decadent dessert. I enjoyed the down time in the evenings – destressing with the usual Zentangle creation and reading and some exercise. The hotel breakfast was the same as usual: eggs with pepper, Cran raisins, walnuts, and a cinnamon raisin bagel.

Like always, I was glad to be home again.

Sustaining Elder Care – July 2026

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It has become easier to keep my father in puzzles because they are worked more slowly now. He can’t see as well, so we have started lining up edge pieces for him snap together. He enjoys the tradition of working on the puzzle even if he is no longer able to do it the way he did in the past. He has such a smile on his face when he runs his hands over the surface of a finished puzzle!

My sisters and I have continued to guide his PT exercises, and his mobility is improving very slowly. It is enough that his doctor has scheduled another round of PT for him. Sometimes when he won’t do the PT exercises themselves, we walk around the big room of the residence several times; we’ve started guiding his walker since sometimes he does not see objects in his path.

His favorite food is still ice cream – as it has been for many years. It is one of the few things that has not changed for him – and that he is vocal about. He does like root beer floats for a change of pace.

Sometimes he is more talkative although he sometimes can’t remember the word he needs…other times he seems to not want to talk at all. He often shares that he ‘will be leaving soon.’ I wonder if it is the equivalent of my grandmother asking us in the last year of her life, ‘why am I still here?’

At 94 he is probably the oldest person in the assisted living residence. All the other residents are usually dressed in lounge wear…but my dad has stayed with jeans and button front shirts like he has for the decades since he retired! My sister bought him some sweatpants during the winter – but he didn’t like them at all.

My sisters and I realize that he is declining, and we strive to find ways to preserve activities that he seems to enjoy…to focus on doing things with him that will sustain his quality of life even though our success is usually only partial.

Road Trip to Dallas in June 2025

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The first three hours of my drive to Texas in June was very different than I expected – it was foggy. I left shortly before sunrise and kept thinking the fog was burning off, but it wasn’t totally gone until about 9 AM and well into Oklahoma. There were two accidents that had happened along my route. The first was a semi that had driven off into the median leaving deep ruts. The truck was just sitting there with its lights on…no emergency vehicles yet. It occurred to me that even though I could see cars in front of me, the distance ahead I could see was shorter than usual and required more concentration because the reaction time was not as great. At least the truck did not cross the median into oncoming traffic. I saw the second accident being cleaned up just as the fog seemed to be clearing; maybe when it happened the fog was one of the factors. There were at least two very badly damaged cars and lots of emergency vehicles.

I still made it to my dad’s assisted living residence at the usual time – even though I felt a little more stressed because of the morning driving conditions. He had finished lunch, and we went outside to water the plants my sisters are maintaining in the backyard of the home. Many are the same as my parents had in their last house. Now that the temperature in Dallas in in the 90s most days, the plants need watering every day.

Back indoors we did some PT, made some loops around the largest room and worked on a puzzle.

The next morning, I was back early enough that he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. We went outside to water the plants again – and enjoyed sitting out on the patio until it was almost time for breakfast. I worked on the puzzle while he ate….and we finished the puzzle after he joined me to work on it! He is always thrilled when we finish one. He doesn’t see well enough now that he does as much with the puzzles, but he seems very pleased to feel the completed puzzle…confirming that all the ‘holes’ have been filled.

Sustaining Elder Care – May 2025

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My sisters had shared with me that Dad seemed to be sleeping more…rebelling at doing physical therapy because he was too tired. But he seemed alert and, while not enthusiastic about doing physical therapy, he acquiesced and did reasonably well. He went outside to sit on the patio while I watered the garden too. When we came back in, he complained that he couldn’t see.

He did go to an eye specialist since my last visit. They confirmed that his vision is one eye is very limited (light/dark only) and that the eye pressure is still too high to preserve the vision in the other. New eye drops were prescribed, and they seem to be reducing the pressure considerably. But….there is already damage. I suspect that coming from bright light (outdoors) to indoor lighting is a problematic time because his eyes don’t adjust to the change very quickly. I guided his walker until we got to the puzzle table.

His eyesight makes the puzzles more challenging than ever, but he still manages to place a few pieces…although I am not sure how he does it. We finished a puzzle that was already mostly done during my afternoon visit. He is still pleased when the puzzle is finished – it’s an accomplishment. This time there was a piece we found on the tray that was obviously too small of the current puzzle (and there was not a hole for another piece)! A little mystery.

The next morning, I arrived before his breakfast. I took a few pictures of the big trees in front of his assisted living residence while I waited for them to open the door. Now that he is not going on walks around the neighborhood, he doesn’t see them very often.

We took the completed puzzle apart and started a new one. He takes longer to find edge pieces (always the first step). I think he is doing it totally by feel now. We made the frame, minus one piece, before breakfast was served and I left to begin my drive back to Missouri while he enjoyed it.

Sustaining Elder Care – April 2025

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My dad had his 94th birthday this past month – his second in the assisted living home. My sisters provided special foods and balloons over at least 3 days. One of the celebrations was shared with the staff and other residents of the assisted living home.

I visited before his birthday and was pleasantly surprised that the physical therapy sessions had improved his physical stamina since my visit in late February. He was able to stand up from sitting more easily…and we walked outdoors for about half the distance he had been doing last fall (so not fully recovered but trending positive).

He was a bit more alert when we worked on one of the puzzles I brought with me…for a little less than an hour. When he is tired and ready to quit, he complains about not being able to see well; there is probably a permanent impairment in one eye…and his readers always seem to need cleaning which might impact his sight in the other eye.

He talked a little more (although some of what he said was clearly gleaned from sometime long ago rather than recently). He admitted that much of what he thinks about seems to be happening recently, but it is too much to really all be in the past few weeks! He seemed more interested in the slideshow that one of my sisters put together to play on his television during the day. It doesn’t include people (which he would have trouble identifying) …it focuses on places he visited…farm machinery that he might remember from his growing up. The tractors are always a favorite.

I only see him once a month. Sometimes it seems like he is declining…and there is a slight recovery. The last visit was a “recovery” and I am looking forward to the next visit …hoping the trend continues.

Sustaining Elder Care – March 2025

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The fragile consensus between my father’s 4 daughters has deteriorated over the past month. The combination of his Covid week in February and the reduction of physical activity that often happens in the winter has caused a decline in his physical condition. His doctor noticed the delta before and after Covid – setting up a round of physical therapy to help him recover. Tensions became high when the PT person asked about one of the drugs he was on. Two of the 4 daughters apparently forgot when and why the decision was made re the drug and highly emotional conversations ensued. The food the assisted living residence provides was a hot topic again too. It was stressful to all and is not resolved except that we are all trying to do the best we can for our father….and hoping we keep him comfortable even while we are struggling emotionally behind the scenes.

While it is stressful to have a parent that cannot always make his wishes known or care for himself. We have delegated his baseline day to day care to the assisted living residence, but my sisters and I can strive to provide some ‘extras’ – activities we can enjoy with him like taking a short walk, working on a puzzle, and getting a vegetable garden started. I found 2 more 300-piece puzzles when I volunteered at my local library; I’ll take them next time I go to Dallas.

Sustaining Elder Care – February 2025

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I took three days for my monthly trip to Dallas rather than the usual two. A weather forecast for snow prompted the decision…since it would be impossible to leave early in the morning. There were two appointments I wanted to keep – one to signing tax forms for my dad and the other to complete the set up at his bank so I could sign for him if needed. It turned out that the drive down was not bad. The highways were clear; the first rest stop still has some snow/ice remnants but even that had melted way by the time I was mid-way through Oklahoma.

I got to Dallas early enough to see my dad on my that first day…and two more times before I left to come home. During my recent visits, I’ve noticed my father’s further decline each month – both physical and mental. He rarely can complete a sentence now and tends to look at his feet when he stands up and walks (hunched over) with the walker. The cold weather keeps him from taking walks outside most of the time and the impact on his physical fitness is noticeable. It felt right to see him for the extra day.

He had another round of Covid since my last visit; he appears to have come through OK although he had a few rough days when he was quarantined to his room, and he became concerned that the house was too quiet (thinking he was alone in the assisted living residence). One of my sisters arrived (masked and gloved) at the perfect time to reassure him. And now the house is back to normal with residents out in the shared big room more frequently…and a television on there.

We had a rough time starting a new puzzle on the second afternoon but then did very well the next morning – completing the frame and forging ahead. Dad seemed more adept at finding pieces that fit. Perhaps he is always more alert mentally in the morning. I’ll need to consider that going forward.

I drove home on the third day and it was unexpectedly harder than I thought….foggy and rainy the whole way. The temperature was high enough that I wasn’t worried about ice, but the sheets of water thrown up by the big trucks on the highway along with the wind made for a stressful drive. The 7 hours on the road was exhausting. I was relieved to be home again.

Sustaining Elder Care – January 2025

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Bad weather in Dallas caused my sisters to be unable to visit my dad for several days; it was a milestone for us. We were all glad that the assisted living staff had anticipated the travel challenges and adjusted so that they were never short-staffed. The residents could simply enjoy the snow (and ice) through the windows…without disruption of their usual routines.

This time of year, we are always a little concerned about winter ailments – colds, flu, etc. When we visit, we mask if we think we have been exposed to anything…and stay away if we are sick ourselves. Dad was not feeling well one morning – which always puts us on high alert - but seemed to bounce back later in the day; the vaccinations and his immune system seem to be helping him stay healthy.

The 300-piece puzzles are still something we do with him…and walking…and just sitting with him. He has never been a very talkative person and now he often seems to just want to sit in silence, enjoying the companionship of a visitor but not needing to talk.

Elder Care – December 2024

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There is always a flurry of activity during the holidays. My sisters and I are striving to make the activities we do with my dad enjoyable for him – rather than confusing/traumatic which can happen when a person does not understand the world as well as they did previously.

My sisters decorated his room for fall/Thanksgiving. I’m not sure how much he noticed because he didn’t comment about them. But they were decorations from his home before before he moved to assisted living. We all felt that continuing with the decorations was better than stopping the tradition.

He seemed to enjoy a Thanksgiving feast at my sister’s home. Another sister brought him from the assisted living place, there were only 4 other people for the feast, the meal was simpler than our Thanksgiving meals from the past (fewer choices), and he was back ‘home’ in about 3 hours.  I celebrated that the thoughtful accommodations seemed to work!

Now his room has been decorated from Christmas and a version of the display that was on the mantle of his home in previous years in on the mantle at the assisted living home where all the residents can enjoy it. Even if he doesn’t remember it from before – I hope that he enjoys the beauty of it now.

There are some rooms that have become available at the assisted living home; my sisters and I briefly talked about whether we want to move him to a different room – either slightly bigger or with a window with a better view; we decided it was not a good idea. It would be hard for him to adjust to the move …remembering where his new room was located would be challenging for him. He seems to feel secure and comfortable where he is now and knows where his room is from the shared areas of the house.

I’ll see him after Christmas this month!

Thanksgiving

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I am thinking of Thanksgiving ahead of time – planning a quite holiday with family with activities planned before and after:

  • The holiday light display is open for Friends of the Garden the Monday before Thanksgiving…so we will enjoy our first walk through of the season unless the weather is wet. I missed seeing them at all in 2023 because I was in Dallas for the later part of the year.

  • I am not a black Friday shopper…but enjoy being outdoors (maybe working off some of the calories from the day before). Our November has been relatively mild…good hiking weather.

There is also plenty in my life to be thankful for right now:

  • My dad is comfortable at his assisted living home; my sisters and I are able to visit him frequently.

  • I have finished my Missouri Master Naturalist training, and the volunteering opportunities seem to be coming along as I expected. There is much to learn and do even during the winter.

  • The Identifying Woody Plants class at Missouri State is about over…and I thoroughly enjoyed the field trips – learned a lot about great outdoor places close to where I live.

  • Our home is snug – ready for winter…the sprinkler system winterized and the heating system checked.

  • Both cars are performing well. Both have been used for road trips recently. My husband and I both appreciate the driver’s aids on modern cars when we make longer drives.

  • The fall has been prolonged by the milder temperatures. The color might have been muted from less rain in the summer, but the length of the display made up for that.

  • Internet Archive is back online. I missed it a lot while it was down and realize how much I savor browsing through its digitized old books; many of them are not available otherwise.

Life is good….

Sustaining Elder Care – November 2024

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I have two book/puzzle sorting days at my community library before I go off to Dallas again…I am hoping to find some more 300-piece puzzles to take for my Dad. I think he is probably running a bit low and maybe my sister is bringing some older ones back that he hasn’t done recently. We don’t have as many 300-piece as we do 500…and those 500-piece ones are getting too hard for him.

The past month has been more stressful in terms of elder care than I anticipated. There is a disagreement between us daughters about whether he is having pain when he eats and he needs his food ground up. Observations of him eating are not consistent. We have asked the dentist he saw last to make an assessment….since to make the change in mealtime routine for the assisted living staff will require a doctor’s order.  On the plus side – I don’t think my dad is aware of the turmoil. Most of the interaction among my sisters and I is via text; I’ve stopped looking at the messages about an hour before bedtime to try to reduce the impact on my sleep. It’s also caused me to start thinking more about what I want my relationship with my sisters to be separate from our shared interest in our father’s well-being.

Sustaining Eldercare – October 2024

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A big worry in any group living situation with older people – something contagious going around - seemed to be happening in late September. Dad developed upper respiratory congestion and was not feeling well at all; the medication his doctor prescribed made his balance even more precarious but appeared to help him otherwise. No one else in the assisted living residence had it so it might have been a seasonal allergy flare up. He is the only resident that goes outdoors on a regular basis – for his walks around the block and to help water plants around the patio. He is back to normal at this point and the family is very relieved.

We are continuing to enjoy jigsaw puzzles with him. There are some clues that don’t work for him anymore – like tiny writing on a puzzle piece; his eyesight is not good enough to read the words.

One of my sisters took a closer look at his toothbrush and electric shaver recently. The toothbrush needs to be replaced, and the electric shaver looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned for a long time. Since both of those things are items we need to provide for him, we should have been monitoring them more closely. We are good about the things we do for him daily (like putting out clothes for the next day) but probably need a list of things we check periodically (like the toothbrush and electric shaver)! The other toiletries – like toothpaste and lotion and soap – were already on our radar and there are extras of those things already available under the sink of his bathroom.

He has been living in the assisted living residence for 10 months now. My sisters and I are still tweaking how we best support him…some is just to be expected since we want to be responsive as his needs change, but other tweaks are discoveries for us of things we should have been doing proactively all along (like checking the toothbrush and the electric razor).

Ten Little Celebrations – September 2024

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It seemed liked the heat of summer lingered into September this year…but we are already savoring a few cooler days and looking forward to fall foliage. There was plenty to celebrate this month:

Places to visit

Butterflies at Botanical Garden of the Ozarks (in Fayetteville). Celebrated finally seeing some of the larger butterflies although it was in Arkansas rather than at home.

A few hours at the Lovett Pinetum. The place is not a park…requires some coordination to visit. I visited as part of my Identifying Woody Plants class (Missouri State University) and celebrated the evergreens…but also the native plants that are growing in the unmanaged areas. There is also a lovely spring feed pond and then stream.

Japanese festival at the Springfield Botanical Gardens. Celebrating big drums and the Mizumoto Japanese Stroll Garden full of people enjoying the fall day. We got ice matcha tea just before the booth was scheduled to close!

La Petite Prairie field trip. Celebrating the experience of walking through a prairie with grass almost as tall as me for the first time….and not getting bitten by anything (maybe because of my permethrin treated gaiters and hat…long sleeves and jeans).

Family ties

Finding puzzles for Dad. Finally…found a used books/puzzles sale that had some 300 piece puzzles. Celebrated and took them down to Dallas for my dad a few days later.

Around our yard

A cooler day. September had some hot days…but there are cooler ones where the high stays in the 70s to celebrate too.

Getting the yard mowed and the brush burning in the chiminea. I celebrated that I got so much yard work done on one of the cooler days…mowed the whole yard and burned a pile of brush that had accumulated during the summer.

Collecting pin oak acorns to sprout. Celebrating finding a video about sprouting acrons in water and starting the process with some carefully selected acorns from my neighbor’s tree that fell in my yard.

Planting pawpaw seeds. So many seeds from 2 pawpaws I got from an earlier master naturalist class! This time I stratified them before planting. I am celebrating that I got them in the ground…and hopefully will celebrate some of them coming up next spring/summer.

American Spikenard seeds turning red. Celebrating that the American Spikenard I planted a year ago has survived and is producing red seeds this September.

Road trip to Texas – September 2024

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I made a 2-day road trip to Texas to visit my father. It was the usual 7 hours on the road each direction. It was dark when I left my house. The moon was close to the horizon and looking very large. I should have stopped for a picture when a few clouds drifted over part of it – missed the opportunity. More clouds and fog blinked out the moon before I got to my first rest stop and gave the day an eerie start. I was more than halfway to Texas before the temperature was in the mid70s, but Dallas was in the 90s when I got to my dad’s assisted living home. We finished a puzzle and watered plants around the back patio, but it was too hot to take him for a walk around the block.

I had forgotten that there was a partial lunar eclipse…didn’t venture out of my hotel room. My husband sent a picture the next morning that he took from our front yard.

The next morning I visited my father right after breakfast…a great time for a walk. He is moving more slowly but walks often enough that other walkers in the neighborhood recognize him! There is a lot of home maintenance/improvement going on in the neighborhood. One family had enclosed more of their yard and made rock gardens in the parts that are too shady for much to grow; a small branch had fallen from the tree and was leaning on one of the larger rocks….photo-op.

There was an interesting leaf in the middle of the street…..not the usual fall foliage. It might have been from a Bradford Pear. My dad was so focused on walking that he didn’t seem interested in the leaf, but I took it back to his room as a memento to share with his next visitor.

Getting out of Dallas was a bit challenging. There seemed to be more-than-the-usual stalled cars/trucks (in traffic lanes on US 75 rather than off to the side) and there was some construction. I made a stop to relax a bit close to the border with Oklahoma…and am glad that the rest of the drive back to Missouri was uneventful.

Sustaining Elder Care – September 2024

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The past month has been challenging with one sister still traveling and another exposed to COVID (disrupting her visits to my dad). We have still sustained our goal for someone in the family to see him every day.

He is changing a bit too…often wanting to go to bed much earlier than usual. That compresses the time for us to have a good visit with him. Sometimes he will get up when one of us arrives and work on the puzzle or go for a walk if it is still light outside. It helps that the weather is not quite as hot as it was in August.

I found 9 puzzles at a used book/puzzle sale done by the Springfield MO libraries and my sister that it traveling has purchased puzzles at some of the places she visited. One of the ones I found might be kept until closer to Christmas rather than leaving it for him to do now.

The staff at his assisted living home has encouraged us to proactively reduce the clutter in his room so his day-to-day activities are less confusing to him. We’ve cleared surfaces by putting some things in enclosed storage areas and reduced the numbers of linens (he had more than double what he needed!). We took away shoes and clothes that he doesn’t wear any more. We tried to transition him from jeans to pull-on type pants and discovered that he wants to stay with the jeans!

His medical team which makes house calls for his checkups has done bloodwork, and he is in good health. But he is over 90 and some days he feels better than others.

One of my sisters is looking for ways to use his television screen to provide visually interesting slideshows; he is not interested in watching television shows or the news anymore. Hopefully we can do some experimenting over the next month to see if we can develop another activity he can enjoy.