Death of my Mother

My mother died a little over a week ago. She was in her 90s and frail…had survived some significant health challenges over the last decade; I thought I had internalized that her death could happen at any time, but it surprised me. It happened very quickly.

My thoughts are still jumping all over the place…

I am savoring the last times I saw her a little over a week before her death – taking her and my dad out to lunch at a new restaurant, talking to them while they ate breakfast the next morning. She had gotten her hair cut and styled by the woman that had done it for the over 40 years recently and was looking great. They both seemed happy. Good times!

One of my sisters cut some of the Japanese quince and added it to a bouquet of other flowers a few days before her death; I am so pleased that my sister did that since Mother had always cut some from the bush in recent years…the first flowers of spring.

She was a very organized person and passed that along to all her daughters along with practical knowledge of households. She went back to college when I was a teenager….started her career as a teacher before I graduated from high school. I’ve always thought of her as a near perfect mother figure. When I had my own daughter….I knew what kind of mother I wanted to be.

My mother was in my life for over 70 years….it might be one metric I won’t be able to duplicate with my own daughter (I will be 105 when she is 70).

My mother recognized how introverted I was very early on. When I wanted to stay in the car while she went into the post office or store, she encouraged me to go in with her. She sent me to ‘charm’ school. She volunteered for my Camp Fire Girls group. She encouraged me to apply to Up with People (and travel during my junior year of high school). She introduced me to her female college professors to expand the role models I had. I will never be an extrovert…but I do have a lot of people skills that were developed even before I entered the workforce and began to get ‘management training.’

There are little lessons that I’ve learned from my mother more recently about aging gracefully:

• Cut flowers from the yard are wonderful (require developing a yard for flowers). Buying cut flowers is OK (but second best).

• Family pictures that are easy to see frequently should share space with art.

• Regular exercise is important….using as many different muscles as possible.

• Following instructions for physical therapy and medication is important but can be a challenge.

• Splurges are OK…in moderation.

• One of the things she said as part of her greeting when I arrived for a visit was ‘I am so glad you are here’…and she repeated that each night as she headed back to her bedroom. Maybe that is one of the biggest lessons of all….to appreciate the people around you and let them know that you do.

Ten Little Celebrations – May 2023

I picked my 10 little celebrations for May…then grouped them in to 3 categories: playing tourist (5), emotional experience (3) and getting outdoors (2). There was a lot to celebrate in May!

ArtsFest in Springfield. An interesting event and great weather too. We went with my daughter and son-in-law. I had heard about it in previous years from my daughter but it was my first time to experience it. It was a way to celebrate great spring weather and the artists of the area.

Springfield Botanical Gardens/Mizumoto Japanese Stroll Garden. Another way to celebrate springtime…savor the flowers…the new growth everywhere.

Fantastic Caverns. The easiest way to tour a cave…riding on a tram. I celebrated that this one had visible fossils in the ceiling that were visible too.

Springfield Art Museum. I celebrated the pottery/ceramics which is the focus of one of the exhibits now. Somehow art that has the potential to be something functional always appeals to me.  

World of Wildlife Museum and Aquarium. Celebrating the improvements in presentation of taxidermied specimens (meticulous attention to the depiction of the ecosystem around the animal)….and best aquarium in this part of the country!

Mother’s Day. A hearty breakfast then a hike alongside a meadow with my daughter…celebrating the relationship (and motherhood).

A sister’s successful surgery. Health of ourselves and people we have close relationships is always somewhat emotion. It’s great to be able to celebrate a procedure that was successful.

In-range blood work results. I celebrated some recent blood work that indicated that everything being checked was in the normal range. As we get older, we tend to be more aware that there could be some challenges ahead…and it is reassuring when the results indicate everything is still fine.

Coopers hawk over the Pocket Prairie. It’s always startling to see a raptor in a suburban area. I heard the racket of other birds before I saw the hawk swoop over the pocket prairie at Josey Ranch and into the neighborhood across the street. I celebrated that these small hawks evidently have thrived in that environment.

Rhododendron Flowering. I missed the rhododendron blooming last year…was thrilled when the flowers opened. It was a big part of the celebration of spring in our back yard!

Gleanings of the Week Ending October 22, 2022

The items below were ‘the cream’ of the articles and websites I found this past week. Click on the light green text to look at the article.

US National Integrated Drought Information System – 68.4% of the US is abnormally dry…46% is in moderate drought…27% in severe drought. Use the location tab of this page to select state or county level maps color coded for their drought status. Where I live, we are in moderate drought.

Autumn in the Adirondacks – Leaf color has not been impacted by the drought in the Adirondacks. The pictures are from the Landsat 9 satellite. I’m enjoying the color from the ground – even with the drought here in Missouri making it not as colorful as it probably was in prior years.

Why cork is making a comeback – The main product mentioned in the article was cork stoppers….but I thought of the calm I felt when I walked into the University of Michigan’s Law Library with a tour group and realized how much the cork floor muffled our footsteps. It was the highpoint of the trip with my daughter when she was considering the school for her undergraduate studies.

Blue fibers found in dental calculus of Maya sacrifice victims – Analysis of more than 100 sacrifice victims found blue fibers in the mouths of 2 of them. Are the fibers from blue gags left in the mouths of victims over and extended time? Similar pigment called Maya blue has been found in other sites where it may have been used to paint the bodies of sacrificial victims. Another archeological mystery…

See the buzzworthy winners of the Wildlife Photographer of the Year competition – Eye candy for the week.

Millions of Americans are losing access to maternal care. Here’s what can be done – 36% of the counties nationwide – largely in the Midwest and South – constitute “maternity care deserts,” meaning they have no obstetric hospitals or birth centers and no obstetric providers. That does not bode well for the health of mothers and the next generation.

These stunning satellite images look like abstract art – and they reveal much about our planet – 8 images selected from US Geological Survey satellite images of the Earth’s surface.

Engineers weave advanced fabric that can cool a wearer down and warm them up – Maybe the ‘cool down’ of this technology (if it can be developed) will help us deal with climate change more effectively. There are already beginning to be more heat related deaths and there will be some occupations that will become impossible without technology to cool the body in outdoor environments.

Rainfall is becoming more intense in most of the US – East of the Rockies…there is increasing precipitation intensity. Water resource management is more challenging. Flooding risk is going up too.

USGS Public Lecture Series – A wide range of topics including volcanoes in Alaska, earthquake early warning for all, migratory big game, droughts and groundwater quality, modernizing the national water information system….and many more. I am beginning to work my way down this YouTube playlist.

30 years ago – August 1991

August 1991 was a stressful month at work for me – several people I depended on took advantage of an early retirement offering from the company and the two projects I was working on were both demanding a lot of time. It might have been one of the highest overtime months of my career after motherhood. Between work and my daughter’s needs, I had very little discretionary time for myself. It was the month I fully appreciated how critical my husband’s support was to enable the peaks of my career.

We had a surprise visit from one of my aunts (with her husband and 2 grandchildren); they only stayed one night but it just added to the overwhelming activity for the month.

We had visited Texas in July and were getting follow up letters in August: my Mother starting her last year of teaching, one sister house hunting and planning to visit in October, another going through similar motherhood experiences with her child the same age as mine, and the sister 8 years younger than me realizing she didn’t know me very well. The documentation I have for the month is largely through those snail mail letters!

My daughter was savoring some activities at home that she had enjoyed for the first time while we were in Texas: dabs of shaving cream to wear around before playing in her pool (a substitute bath) and painting (on paper and herself). She was beginning to use her right hand more although she was not as strongly right-handed as her cousin. She discovered she could make footprints on the deck if she walked with wet feet.

She also remembered music from the Texas visit. Whenever the cassette tape with “Let’s go fly a kite” on it played…she always smiled and clapped when that song played.  

When we went to Wheaton Park we discovered she liked the swings under a large catalpa tree better than the carousel!

It was a time of tension between work and motherhood. The techniques I had for coping were developing - not perfect; over the next few years – I accepted that it was OK to always be developing rather that achieving perfection. But in August 1991, I was pushing for perfection.

I also noted a high ozone day. Looking back, I realize that if there had been action during the 1990s…the climate situation would be better today. I was aware of the greenhouse effect…and that the earth was warming; but in 1991 I thought it was an academic idea, not something that was actionable. Like so many others – I thought it would be very gradual and there would plenty of time for corrective action. So now we are facing an urgent need to pivot --- a challenge to us all. I find myself thinking about what it will be like in 30 years – trying to take actions in my own life to sustain hope for the successful transitions we’ll have to make going forward.

Ten Little Celebrations – May 2021

After being at home in Maryland for over a year, May was spent is 2 different environments – Texas and Missouri. The celebrations this month are like other months…with the change in setting making them unique.

Little blue heron. Seeing a juvenile little blue heron (at Josey Ranch Lake) was unexpected…such a beautiful bird to celebrate.

Cherry crisp for breakfast. I had intended to make the dessert for a after-the-fact celebration of my Dad’s 90th birthday. Instead we ate it for breakfast (warm and fresh from the oven) with ice cream….with a side of little sausages to the side for protein. Yummy!

Tree trimming. My parents got their trees trimmed prompted by a broken branch that needed to be cut before it fell. The crew did an excellent job and left them the larger branches cut into fireplace lengths to dry for next winter. Plus - there are some even larger pieces that will make excellent stands for pots in my sister’s yard. The city yard refuse truck came and took the first big pile of small branches about mid-way through the trimming and took the rest the next week. We all celebrated that the job was done quickly and was interesting to watch.

Mother’s Day. I celebrated my mother (that I was visiting) and my own motherhood (with my daughter later in the month). The mother-daughter thread is a precious one.

Shampooing hair. I celebrated when my mother still shampooed her own hair – realizing that as we get older, celebrating what we can still do is healthier than grieving for things we cannot.

Pineapple Upside Down Cake. Doesn’t everyone celebrate when the cake is flipped…the pan lifted off…and it looks so great on the plate? I made it for a belated birthday for one of my sisters.

Rebuilt swan’s nest. The swans’ nest at Josey Ranch Lake was flooded by a deluge of rain…. they were frantic immediately afterward but quickly rebuilt. I celebrated the resilience of nature.

Getting to Springfield. After driving in mist/rain and road constructions between Carrollton TX and Springfield MO, I celebrated getting to my destination: my daughter and son-in-law’s house they had purchased the day before.

Pineapple whip. My daughter and I enjoyed the Springfield unique treat on a hot afternoon. I got mine in a cup swirled with blueberry whip. Tasty! A great way to celebrate a break in the moving activity.

Competent movers. The move was only a few blocks….and most of it was done via loads in our cars. The larger furniture was moved by a crew of three. I celebrated that we were able to make the arrangements quickly, that they were on time, worked quickly and competently….and that I didn’t have to help move any of those heavy pieces!

30 Years Ago – October 1990

Looking back through pictures and notes from 30 years ago – it was a happy month…but full of big changes that my family handled better than we’d anticipated. I went back to work full time…straight into to proposal team that required full time in the office plus some work at home time. I had just set up an office of my own at home the month before…was still using the IBM PC AT that was over 5 years old. My daughter was already trying to help. Note that I didn’t have a rolling chair yet. We purchased two that month for my husband and I (evidently after the picture was taken) and we still have them!

My planning wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough that we all felt like things were going well. I made pumpkin muffins several times during the month since they were tasty snacks (or mini-meals) that we all enjoyed. And made meal plans each week for my daughter’s lunches packed for day care and our dinners.

My husband and I were thrilled that she took her first steps with us rather than in day care late in September…and then she was off and climbing. Even though we thought we had baby-proofed the house…but we had typical calamities of her running into her indoor tree house face first, hitting her head on the foot board of the bed while climbing up, and almost tilting over the back of her little rocking chair.

We all enjoyed the fall foliage day trip to Catoctin with her riding in the backpack more than walking around. When we got her out to walk around in the leaves, they were deep enough to be at least knee deep for her…and she didn’t want to move around in them!

I was busy making the rounds of yard sales to stock up on larger clothes for her and found some bargains. Most of her clothes were bought used but I couldn’t resist a new green velveteen dress with a big white color that she wore for several holiday pictures in the coming months…and it got handed down to her cousins after it got too small for her…and probably sold at a yard sale 10 years or so later.

3 Free eBooks – June 2020

So many materials available online…

The three I am featuring this month are a bit different. The first two are slideshows available on Internet Archive. It was hard to choose just two; check here for 300 or so of them. Each of the slide shows is accompanied by a brief biography of the artist.

Hussein Amin Bicar (1913 - 2002) – Egyptian. I enjoyed both the modern and the ancient depictions. I chose one of the modern images for the sample.

Josef Sudek (1896 - 1974) – Czech photographer. As I looked at the pictures – I thought about what made them most appealing to me and decided that there were multiple reasons:

• The way the photographer captured unusual light and arrangement of places.

• The historical aspect (I assumed that many of the damaged buildings were the aftermath of World War II).

• The pictures of office clutter. I’ve known people that had similar piles of accumulated ‘stuff’!

Another reason I liked this artist: Half of my ancestors were Czech; the families immigrated to the US in the later 1800s. The life span of Sudek was like my Czech heritage grandfather’s (1896-1974 and 1901-1976). My grandfather was younger by just enough that he did not fight in World War I; Sudek did and was severely injured (an arm was amputated). What a difference in the way they experienced World War II! My grandfather was farming in eastern Oklahoma; Sudek lived through the Nazi’s in Prague and then Soviet domination of the country. Sudek lived most of his life in a European city: Prague; my grandfather lived on a farm, a small city, then the suburbs of a large city in Oklahoma and Texas. In 1960, my grandfather was injured in an accident (a leg was amputated). As I read the short biography of Sudek, I felt that in the last decade of their life, they would have enjoyed knowing each other.

I selected the sample picture because it was an unusual collection for a still life. The peacock feathers reminded me of the peacocks my non-Czech grandparents kept. The shells are something collected in travels by people that ordinarily live far from the sea (i.e. Prague or Oklahoma).

The other eBook I chose this month was autobiographical…with names changed which I guess turns it into a novel. It was known as autobiographical when it was published so is usually discussed from that perspective.

Scott, Evelyn. Escapade. New York: Thomas Seltzer. 1923. Available at Internet Archive here. The parts that resonated the most with me were the author’s description of her pregnancy and the immediate aftermath. Her writing about her emotions and physical situation are so vivid. Her experience is often more intense because of the upheaval in her life early in the novel (eloping, moving from the US to London to Brazil) and then subsequent poverty and isolation. A brief biography of Evelyn Scott can be found here.

Unique activities for yesterday:

Bright heart of the forest. When I first went into my office at 6:10 AM, the sunshine was bright on a tulip poplar tree trunk that normally does not stand out in the shade of the forest. The glow lasted for a few minutes before fading as the sun continued its rise. It was a good start to the day to see the tree appear as if lighted from within.

Zucchini muffins. I used up some summer squash by making muffins at mid-morning. It’s an easy process using the food processor to do the shredding. I chose a recipe for Zucchini Spice Cake from a Moosewood Restaurant cookbook…brought back memories of the restaurant in Ithaca when my daughter was working on her undergraduate degree at Cornell.

Finishing the deck drapery project. My husband and I put up additional hooks to hold all the deck drapery panels and I made tie backs for them. We were both hot and tired when we finished because the day was so hot and humid. It was not better by dinner, so we waited to have an outdoor dinner for another day.

30 Years Ago, Tea, and Pokeroot Zentangle

Continuing the blog post series prompted by COVID-19….

A Zentangle Prompt

Use the POKEROOT pattern to make the boarder around the frame. Aura the POKEROOT berries like CRESCENT MOON.

Here are some tiles I made yesterday based on the prompt: Make a scribbled string with your pen that results in small spaces (no need to do a border first). Fill (with same color as the string or a different color) spaces that touch at points. Optional: experiment with this pattern using multiple colors.

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This is my go-to tangle for when I want to just fill in spaces…play with color. Every string is different. Sometimes I make a very dense string and then combine some spaces as I fill in. Sometimes I fill some spaces and make a simple shape (like a spiral) in others.

Unique activities for yesterday:

Enjoying teas I got for Mother’s Day. My daughter got me 3 kinds of teas from Elijah’s Raw Herb Supply. The company participates in the Farmers Market in Springfield where she discovered them but she’s been ordering their teas via their online shop during the pandemic. I have now made a pot of each and I like all three of them…but do have an order of preference: mint-chocolate chip, yerba mate chai, and immuni-tea. All three have stevia leaf so are a little sweet – pleasant, not overwhelming, no aftertaste. I make a pot at a time with a teaspoon of the loose tea in the carafe of my coffee maker (that only is used for making tea). They are all good hot or cold. It will take me a bit to use up these teas but I already have identified another one I want to try: Organic Lemonaid – herbal.

Hearing a phoebe several times…but not seeing bird. Frustrated…

Links to my previous “filling a day of social distance” posts  here.

30 year ago – May 1990

30 years ago this month, I started back to work after taking 6 months off with my baby. It was a big change for the whole family. I was getting up at 5:30 AM and leaving the house by 6:45. My daughter was getting up at 6:30 – hungry – getting a bottle to enjoy until her Dad came to get her ready to go off to day care. I picked her up by about 4 in the afternoon. It was only 3 days a week to begin with but with the plan that I would go back to full-time in September.

My part-time work was different from the technical work I had done before…a rotation into the marketing side of the business. We did some proactive changes for the household like putting up baby gates and arranging for a cleaning crew. Little did I know that the cleaning crew would be the same for many years…until I retired more than 20 years later. The same family day care lasted until my daughter started Montessori school. The choices in May 1990 were good ones.

The baby took the changes in stride…enjoying the novelty of spending time with other children and new/different toys. She was beginning to vocalize. Cheerios were her favorite finger food.

There was still time for family outings: picking strawberries and walking around the Brighton Dam Azalea Garden (with the baby asleep in the backpack toward the end).

My mother sent me a poem from a 1958 Good Housekeeping magazine that she had clipped just before I had started off to kindergarten – “For a child leaving” by Marjorie Lederer Lee for my first Mother’s Day and as my daughter went off to day care. I couldn’t find a version of the poem online, but it was in a book published in 1973 (What have you done all day? By Marjorie Lee)… so still under copyright.

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The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. "Zentangle" is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Filling a Day of Social Distancing - 5/10/2020

Continuing the blog post series prompted by COVID-19….

Here are the unique activities for yesterday:

Nice surprise first thing in the morning: 4 irises. When I went to bed the night before, there was one open iris and another that was just beginning to unfurl. I expected there would be two irises open the next morning.

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But there were two more than I expected! What a great start to Mother’s Day!

Photographing a spent iris flower. The first iris bloom (that had broken off the stem and was in a small glass of water) wilted and I decided to take it apart to learn more about iris flowers. I quickly discovered that they are three types of petals…and 3 of each kind. Going from the outside inward: falls with beards and stamens attached, standards, and style arms. The falls are the largest and the style arms are the smallest.

I took some macros shots of various parts of the petals. They were thinning and watery…had started to degrade with age.

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The last picture is of the cut stem. (Reference)

Seeing two Scarlet Tanagers in the red maple. We are seeing birds we haven’t seen before in the forest behind our house…because we are looking more frequently. Scarlet tanagers are insect eaters, so they don’t come to the feeder. We didn’t notice any females, but they are harder to spot. I wonder if there is a nest in the maple. (The picture looks ‘painterly’ because it is near then limit of the zoom on my camera).

Opening a new supply of bird seed. We used up all our bird seed we’d purchased from the local bird club. The new supply I ordered from Amazon came a few days ago. There was only a small amount of seed left in the feeder, so I emptied it for the doves to enjoy and opened the new bag to fill the feeder with fresh seed.

Links to my previous “filling a day of social distance” posts  here.

30 years ago – October 1989

I’m starting a new monthly post: “30 Years Ago.” It will feature some high points gleaned from my notes and pictures of that time. As I prepared this first post, I realized how vividly some of the memories are…how the notes and pictures provide a level of exactness to when things occurred but not as much detail that my memory holds.

I was just settling into motherhood 30 years ago…still very aware of the learning curve. I marveled that just when I thought breast feeding was becoming easier, my daughter would have a growth spurt and be voraciously hungry – again. It happened at least twice during the month.

My metabolism was still somehow high, and the early part of the month felt hot most of the time. Later in the month it was cooler, and the baby enjoyed a wakeful outing to the back yard with the leaves falling all around. A little while later she slept, and I raked some leaves.

She started making facial expressions during REM sleep before she made them during awake times: smiling and laughing. Being around her enough to notice those developments is something I cherish.

I used the stroller a few times for a short walk around the neighborhood before I had enough confidence to take her Brookside Gardens.

I learned to warm the crib with a heating pad before gently lowering the baby I’d rocked to sleep. She cuddled into the warm place and didn’t startle awake! The heating pad was an old one my husband had for a very long time. It warmed just the right size space…could be easily removed with one hand before I lowered the baby into the crib. We still have that heating pad and it still works…it’s probably over 50 years old.

I read books while I nursed the baby…. sometimes I read them aloud when the baby fidgeted. Hearing my voice often calmed her and she would settle down to her milk meal.

The biggest disaster during the month was when I decided to bathe the baby in the bright sunlight shining in the sliding glass door. With the weather getting cooler, she been chilled during previous baths. The baby bath was very portable, and the sunlight made the area the warmest in the house. The bath proceeded well…but disaster struck when I put her on the towel beside the bath. As I wrapped the towel around her – cat hair – everywhere. I realized that our vacuum cleaner was not adequate for our carpeting. I managed to recover the situation with several towels I had not put on the floor to be ‘ready’ for a wet baby...and I didn’t do her bath there again.

By the end of the month I was still 5 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. I wasn’t dieting except to make sure I was getting enough calcium to support breast feeding.

At the end of the month the fall leaves were swirling and beautiful. I was glad the outside temperatures were getting cooler.