30 years ago – May 1992

The highlight of May 1992 was the birth of my second niece. My daughter and I were in Dallas within a few weeks of her birth. It was a learning experience for my daughter who was very interested in babies at her daycare but had never seen one as young as her cousin. We all noticed the baby’s REM sleep when she was positioned in her carrier in the middle of the large dining table while my sister’s daycare swirled around the kitchen and den.

There were more mundane events too: doing the family grocery shopping every week together, my husband traveling for work using a back brace to make the longer plane trips tolerable, me with an ear infection after catching my daughter’s cold (she was outgrowing her tendency to get ear infections), my daughter trying to figure out the difference between ‘an accident’ and ‘on purpose,’ and a sister discovering that her new house had bearded iris in one of the flower beds.

As I read back through my notes of the time, I realized that it’s easy to remember the high points of out lives without them but not the details of how much energy keeping up with a 2.5-year-old took. Just reading a list I made of what we did on one Saturday was a potent reminder of how exhausting it was.

30 years ago – April 1992

April 1992 was probably the most traumatic month of my career…I ended my work on what I had come to think of as ‘the project from hell’ but hadn’t settled into my new assignment. My husband had helped my situation when he bought our first laser printer in response to the long hours I spent working at home after a full day at the office. It also helped to be away at a company sponsored event in LA for a week…respite from the toxic work environment; one of the phrases I picked up from the speakers was from Herb Cohen – “Care…but not too much” – a message I needed to apply!

My daughter was a full of energy and enjoying her new bedroom arrangement – no more crib; she was enjoying a twin bed. Her Easter morning was probably one of her best ever – she enjoyed finding the plastic eggs ‘hidden’ all over our den and the Winnie-the-Pooh characters I had purchased at the Disney store when I was in LA. The day was too damp to do any egg hunting outside.  Toward the end of the month, it was warm enough for a trek to Wheaton Park where she picked a zebra to ride on the Merry-go-round.

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Overall – a memorable month. I am so fortunate that my family kept me emotionally grounded enough to weather the upheaval at work.

30 years ago – March 1992

What was happening in my life 30 years ago (March 1992)?

As I look back through my notes from the time – I saw several items that are still part of our lives:

• A Nordic Track. It was new then and I was using it daily. It is still down in our basement, but it’s been a long time since we used it last; it will be jettisoned before we move.

• Curbside recycling was new, and I was already thinking about how to reduce trash…doing a small amount of composting. Now all the recycling goes into one bin and more things are accepted; it is not as clear that all the items avoid the landfill though.

• My husband and I had created separate offices because both of us had started doing some work at home (we had progressed from a 1 PC family to 2 PCs!). In 1992, floppy disks were the primary mode of data transfer for us – no internet connection or World Wide Web yet.  We were both using email from our employers (dial up connection). The work that we did at home was totally on the PCs (presentation development, document development). Toward the end of the month, we were talking about getting a laser printer. We still have two offices - each have multiple (and more functional) devices and a lot of what we do is network enabled.

• In a manager training, I became aware that there was a growing problem with employees using swear words/foul language…and that the younger employees were more OK with it than the older ones. The company was concerned that it was a growing issue…and thus the training. My personal thought was to stick to civil language…and was uncomfortable when foul language was used.  I’m still that way; the coarse language (that seems to have entered the mainstream in the past 5 years) is stressful and I find myself looking at ways to stay informed…but not hear the language being used.

• And the miniature daffodils planted in our yard by my mother-in-law before she died were coming up. I dug up some of the bulbs before we moved to our present house to take with us…planted them in a front flower bed…and they are coming up again this spring.

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There was a lot going on with our family. Our 2-year-old daughter’s favorite phrase was “I don’t want to.” She had finally made the transition from her crib to a twin sized bed, and she enjoyed a kite festival at the Washington Monument. My husband finally got a diagnosis of why his back had been so painful for over a decade (and some exercises that began to help). My 80-year-old grandmother was cooking huge meals for the birthdays in March (that I missed since I was in Maryland rather than Texas…which probably was a good thing with my need to lose weight)! Both of my parents were still working. One of my sisters was pregnant with her second child, another was enjoying her ceramic hobby, and the youngest was surviving a breakup with her boyfriend.  

Overall – March 1992 was a month at home…busy but not as overwhelming as the months before or after!

30 years ago – February 1992

30 years ago – in February 1992 – it was a big month for milestones.

My paternal grandmother celebrated her 80th birthday. My mother had arranged a week-long celebration with various relatives appearing throughout the week, my daughter and I were there for the duration. My daughter had done enough airplane travel in her 2.5 years that getting from Maryland to Texas was uneventful, but the week was full of new experiences and lots of desserts; she and her cousin of similar age (the two great-grandchildren) were a pleasant distraction even when they were overly excited!  We stayed with one of my sisters for several nights because my parent’s house was needed for other relatives on those nights and my daughter discovered the fun of bunk beds (when we got home, she told her dad that she wanted bunk beds in her room). One of the enduring gifts from that birthday was a pink rose bush that a nephew and his wife brought; it is blooming profusely (in season…picture from last fall) beside my parent’s garage always reminding us of my grandmother and the couple that purchased it.

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Another milestone was my daughter being accepted into the Montessori School I had selected as my first choice for her in the fall. It turned out to be a very positive experience for her over the next 3 years of pre-school and kindergarten…and was the last educational decision I made for her without her input!

Our grand piano was delivered in February 1992. It has been the largest part of our living room furniture since then! I took some pictures of it recently. Only the nicks in the legs from the vacuum cleaner give an indication of its age. It’s had an annual visit from the same piano tuner for almost the entire time!

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Overlaid on those milestones – my daughter had a terrible cold and ear infection after we returned from Texas! Between our daughter and 2 careers there were frequent unexpected events; it was often a challenge to not feel overwhelmed – but there were always times to savor along the way too.

30 Years Ago – January 1992

The January of 30 years ago was a lull – between a hectic holiday and anticipated travel with a 2-year-old in February. We enjoyed indoor family projects at home. The most unique one involved a sturdy box that I had saved from immediate recycling at work when some equipment arrived in it. The box barely fit into  my car; it was an excellent size for my daughter to make into a playhouse. My husband cut a door in the side and I put blobs of finger paint on the top and sides for her to decorate it. It was too cold to do it outside, so the painting was a kitchen project with newspapers on the floor. She was already very disciplined…the paint was used on her box house and not other walls (or floors or cabinets).

She was still small enough to use the kitchen sink as a bath….a very neat cleanup for her house painting project. She probably spent more time in the sink bath than the box painting!

I don’t remember her doing much with the box after she painted it. It was in her room for the next few months…and then recycled.

30 years ago – December 1991

In December 30 years ago – the month was dominated by the joys of Christmas with a two-year-old. There was a party for children hosted by the company I worked for where she got her face painted, a refusal to sit on Santa’s lap at a community ‘Donuts with Santa’, singing Jingle Bells to the new baby at her day care, doing a 6 day count down to Christmas putting plush ornaments from Del Monte on the tree (sweetie pea, reddie tomato, cubbie corn, lushie peach, precious pear, juicy pineapple)…culminating in a an overwhelming Christmas morning which we videoed. Her favorite items at first were a kazoo and watching our cat play with a catnip toy.  It was the most over-the-top amount of gifts in her life!

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Outside of the dominate theme – she was enjoying Peter Rabbit stories at bedtime…and then surrounding herself with her collection of plush toys to completely fill the bed. I sent an application for Montessori school for the next fall.

We didn’t have family visits like we’d had in previous months. One sister was settling into her new house. Another’s family had the flu, but it was over soon enough to allow for a happy Christmas with her 2-year-old and her pregnancy was doing well; she made and sent a pine cone wreath – which I still have. Another sister hosted a successful a party for her colleagues. My mother decided to work one more year as a teacher. I cooked a whole pumpkin for the first time…stuffed it with apples, cinnamon, and butter…yummy for all.

The overarching feeling: life being very good but happening too fast!

30 Years Ago – November 1991

In November 30 years ago, my two-year-old daughter wanted to be outdoors as much as possible. Playing in the leaves was her favorite activity there. She was relatively neat about it most of the time. She kept herself busy while I raked our back yard.

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She developed a strategy of saying ‘not yet’ rather than ‘no and her day care provider was trying to teach her to whistle (with some success). Her favorite movie was “Fantasia.” I was already beginning to look at preschools for her to start the next summer or fall…had a Montessori school identified.

We were saving for a grand piano…more on that in upcoming months.

Both my husband and I were busy at work…and I was getting 4 crowns (temporaries at first and then the permanent ones). All 4 of those crowns were very durable; the first replacement happened this year; the other three seem to still be in good shape.

It was a mostly at month we spent at home (my husband made one short business trip to Boston)…catching up on work and getting ready for a busy December!

30 years ago – October 1991

Looking back at the pictures from October 1991 – it was a pleasant month. Work was still challenging but not as overwhelming as it had been in the previous months. One of my sisters came to visit with the priority to enjoy activities with my two-year-old daughter. We went on a steam train trip near Gettysburg, visited a toy store in Ellicott City, and bought apples at a local orchard (my daughter ate an apple on the spot to the delight of the owner).  I remember the outing to Mount Vernon vividly. We had lunch in the restaurant with my daughter in a highchair (antique style) pushed up to the table; she was thrilled with the arrangement and enjoyed the meal tremendously…charmed the wait staff. Then we opted to not go through the house…enjoying the grounds thoroughly. She hugged a big tree that George Washington had planted!

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My sister was moving into a new house and had packed everything before her visit…and then moved almost immediately when she returned to Texas. It was a busy month for her. Another sister was pregnant with her second child and had some difficulties early in the month which were quickly resolved to the relief of the whole family. My parents were still working and trying to help everyone through the flurry of the month.

The leaves started to fall later in the month and my daughter became more enthusiastic than ever about being outdoors. Leaves and acorns are easily picked up and enjoyed. Her favorite movie was ‘Little Mermaid.’ She finally made the connection between saying numbers and counting things; that was the big ‘light bulb’ moment of her development in October 1991.

We borrowed a special costume for my daughter’s Halloween – a flowerpot for the body and headpiece with big yellow petals for around her face. It was very cute but not something she liked very much.  At that point in her life, she was not eating candy so there was little joy for her that Halloween!

Great memories from 30 years ago…

30 Years Ago – September 1991 (1)

Two big events happened in our family 30 years ago in September 1991 so I am doing two ‘30 years ago’ posts this month. The first was my daughter’s 2nd birthday. It stands out in my mind as the birthday celebration that included a full day of activities that she thoroughly enjoyed. The night before we looked at pictures from her first birthday…giving her some clues about what the day we be like.

She opened presents in 3 sessions. The first one included a wagon and we used it immediately to go to the neighborhood park. The day was sunny, 60-75 degrees, light breeze…. perfect weather to be outdoors. She loved the swings – particularly the tire swing which was new to her and required concentration to hold on as it went back and forth and around. As we walked home, we heard a big airplane noise and looked up and saw the Concorde (at that time it was flying into Dulles Airport to the south and west from where we lived in Maryland).

When we got home, we set up a tent in the back yard. She spent a lot of time going in and out the screen door…tickled that she could stand up in the tent while the adults had to sit.

After lunch, the next round of presents included bubbles and pipes. She enjoyed chasing the various kinds of bubbles all over the yard….and then heading to the house saying it was time for nap….which it was.

She took longer to wake up from her nap than usual….she was still a little sleepy for the third round of presents. She played with her new stuffed animals and toys – watched by the cat. We enjoyed a simple computer game with animal pictures and letters that we played (her on my lap saying the name of the animal and me doing the keyboard) – primitive by today’s standards!

The big finale after dinner as the strawberry ice cream butterfly cake and ‘2’ cookies. She was able to blow out her 2 candles! She didn’t like the icing on the cake – only at the strawberry part.

I had made the batch of ‘2’ cookies for her to share with the other children in her day care so she had munched on a few of those before her big day. They were a good size for her and not overly sweet. I’d purchased a set of number cookie cutters for this birthday intending to use them for subsequent birthdays, but I don’t remember using them again. I found a clipping of the recipe in my notes!

“2” cookies

1 cup butter, softened

1 cup sugar

1 large egg

1 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp vanilla

3 cups flour

Preheat oven to 400.  In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar with electric mixer.  Beat in egg and vanilla.  (I added food coloring at this point.)  Add baking powder and flour one cup at a time, mixing after each addition.  The dough will be stiff, blend in last flour by hand.  Do not chill dough.  Roll out dough to approximately 1/8 in. thick on a floured surface.  Dip cutters in flour before each use.  Bake cookies on ungreased cookie sheet on top rack of oven for 6-7 minutes or until cookies are lightly browned.   

Overall – a great birthday for a 2-year-old!

30 years ago – August 1991

August 1991 was a stressful month at work for me – several people I depended on took advantage of an early retirement offering from the company and the two projects I was working on were both demanding a lot of time. It might have been one of the highest overtime months of my career after motherhood. Between work and my daughter’s needs, I had very little discretionary time for myself. It was the month I fully appreciated how critical my husband’s support was to enable the peaks of my career.

We had a surprise visit from one of my aunts (with her husband and 2 grandchildren); they only stayed one night but it just added to the overwhelming activity for the month.

We had visited Texas in July and were getting follow up letters in August: my Mother starting her last year of teaching, one sister house hunting and planning to visit in October, another going through similar motherhood experiences with her child the same age as mine, and the sister 8 years younger than me realizing she didn’t know me very well. The documentation I have for the month is largely through those snail mail letters!

My daughter was savoring some activities at home that she had enjoyed for the first time while we were in Texas: dabs of shaving cream to wear around before playing in her pool (a substitute bath) and painting (on paper and herself). She was beginning to use her right hand more although she was not as strongly right-handed as her cousin. She discovered she could make footprints on the deck if she walked with wet feet.

She also remembered music from the Texas visit. Whenever the cassette tape with “Let’s go fly a kite” on it played…she always smiled and clapped when that song played.  

When we went to Wheaton Park we discovered she liked the swings under a large catalpa tree better than the carousel!

It was a time of tension between work and motherhood. The techniques I had for coping were developing - not perfect; over the next few years – I accepted that it was OK to always be developing rather that achieving perfection. But in August 1991, I was pushing for perfection.

I also noted a high ozone day. Looking back, I realize that if there had been action during the 1990s…the climate situation would be better today. I was aware of the greenhouse effect…and that the earth was warming; but in 1991 I thought it was an academic idea, not something that was actionable. Like so many others – I thought it would be very gradual and there would plenty of time for corrective action. So now we are facing an urgent need to pivot --- a challenge to us all. I find myself thinking about what it will be like in 30 years – trying to take actions in my own life to sustain hope for the successful transitions we’ll have to make going forward.

30 Years Ago – July 1991

In June 1991, we had guests from Texas at our house. In July 1991, we went to Texas. I remember it vividly and was surprised when I looked back through my notes from the time to find that we were only there for 4 days. It seems like we did so much: went to the Dallas zoo, did a lot of water play with hoses and plastic bins big enough for each 23 month old girl to have her own, and explored several playgrounds where the swings were big favorites.

It seemed like my daughter had a step increase in language and coordination…..and became a lot more opinionated about what she wanted to do. Maybe that last part was a precursor to her ‘terrible twos.’

We had two rounds of colds – before and after the trip to Texas. My husband did the best which was good since he was settling into his new job. My daughter had an eye infection along with her cold. I had an eye and ear infection that took 3 different antibiotics back to back; finally the last one worked.

The garden my mother-in-law had tended the previous summer was producing tomatoes, chives, dill, oregano and sunflowers. She died in Fall 1990 and we felt closer to her in the garden she had created than at the cemetery where she was buried.

30 years ago – June 1991

Looking back at June 1991 – it seems that life had a faster pace…almost an unsustainable pace but common in families where the adults work and the child is less than two years old. We had company for 2 weeks out of the month. The first was a visit from a sister that had recently moved into a new house and needed a break for the flurry of that activity; we enjoyed several outings to the park and Ladew Topiary Gardens…discovered that McDonalds was an excellent place for lunch with a 21-month-old.

The second visit was a sister’s family – that included their daughter (a week older than my daughter). We prepared the girls prior to the visit by showing them pictures and videos of each other; it worked…they were immediate buddies. We went to parks and several museums (one was The Cloisters which was a children’s museum then and is now a wedding venue, another was Rose Hill Manor Park & Museums)…read books, splashed in the small pool on hot days, and enjoyed every inch of our house and yard. One was talking more…the other seemed to enjoy more complex books. We all had ‘Maryland is for Crabs’ t-shirts! In the picture below my daughter is hugging a tree along the Cunningham Falls State Park boardwalk – one of the outdoor places that was enjoyable for everyone in our group.

Being outdoors…doing something with water…was one of my daughter’s favorite activities. We had tomato plants and gladiolus getting ready to bloom in the garden around the oak tree.

A summer cold made the rounds. My daughter had it for a few days…mine lingered and I eventually went to the doctor – got medicine for ear and eye infections.

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In world news – children in Iraq were dying of cholera and other water borne disease…the Kuwait fires were slowly being extinguished.

Overall – it was a month full of juggling work with home life. I can’t say that it was a balancing act…it was more of a blending and using every minute optimally…exhausting but rewarding.

By the end of the month, I already had plane tickets to visit Texas in July. My husband would be with us on the flight down then continue to San Diego for a conference…the blending rather than balancing strategy again.

30 Years ago – May 1991

May 1991 was a hectic – and traumatic month. One of my sisters experienced a mid-term miscarriage, my husband started a new job (carrying boxes increased his back problem), I was juggling 2 projects for the first half of the month requiring frequent travel to Atlanta, my daughter was exhibiting some ‘terrible twos’ behavior a few months before she was 2 (deciding she didn’t like baths, sometimes refusing to feed herself, taking off at her fastest run across a cemetery, grabbing my glasses from my face), and my computer monitor failed making it impossible to work at home for a few days until we made an emergency purchase of a new one.

On the positive side – my daughter was loving the outdoors. In the early part of the month, she thoroughly explored the back yard – smelling the roses, feeling the branches of the willow sweep over her, and picking some chives flowers to bring inside.

The later part of the month was dry enough that I turned on the sprinkler to water the yard one afternoon….not anticipating how thrilled my daughter would be. She immediately went to play in the spray. It was her first experience with a sprinkler.

Some other firsts that month for her: riding the train at Wheaton Park and an escalator. One of her books had an escalator and she was excited to see and ride a real one.

I was writing letters to family on my computer but sending them snail mail. The books I was reading (airplane rides were prime reading time for me) were mostly used books. I noticed a young child waiting for the bus and worried that my daughter would be doing that in a few years.

Even with all the things that happened over the course of the month – by the end things were looking good for June: husband was settled into new job, one of my projects was done so there was only one ongoing, and we expected visits from 2 of my sisters in June (separate weeks so not an overwhelming prospect!).

30 years ago – April 1991

After the flurry of guests that we had in March 1991, we were back to being on our own in April….new challenges. My daughter was at a temporary family day care during the day for most of the month; it seemed to be working well but I rejoiced that not only did she remember her original day care provider after several weeks away, but she seemed thrilled to be back in that situation by the end of the month.

My husband was in the process of moving from Johns Hopkins to Applied Physics Lab for his work. It was a big ‘win’ in terms of work and a much shorter commute for him. We made a weekend trip to his Johns Hopkins office to move some items like plants and files. The heavier books were already on the way to the new office. We might have been the only people in the building. My daughter enjoyed pushing her stroller unimpeded in the hallways.

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I was traveling to Atlanta frequently for work and by the end of the month was quickly getting to a stopping point on that project so that I could start the next one which would involve a longer commute. There was an announcement about a ‘work from home’ pilot and I wondered if I would be able to participate to avoid the long commute at least one day a week.

The trips to Atlanta – sometimes done in a long day (intense meetings in the middle) – were the first travel I’d done for work since my daughter was born. It felt odd to be so far away from her. At the same time – I savored the quiet time on the plane - enjoying good books. I was using a card I’d received from my Grandmother as a bookmark. It took some effort to carry enough reading material with me on those trips….it made the briefcase heavy since this was well before electronic books!

It also seemed like there were more letters exchanged that April – mostly with family. Everyone seemed to have a busy month – travel to San Francisco for a class, 2 people moving, another getting pregnant, ducklings escaping their enclosure to make friends with dogs, and birthday celebrations. Reading about the flurry of activity was quite a contrast with our lives this year during the pandemic and, to a lesser extent, without the challenge of careers. There were lots of comments about how pretty the spring trees and flowers were; that hasn’t changed.

30 years ago – March 1991

The event of March 1991 that I remember without looking back at my notes of the month was my dad turning 60 years old. My notes helped fill in the details. He and my mother flew from Texas to Maryland to spend a week with us; 6 red balloons, a pair of Rockport dress shoes and a pecan praline ice cream cake were some ‘special’ things for the celebration. My 18-month-old daughter thoroughly enjoyed the week with them and the addition of the turtle sandbox to her ‘things to do outside.’ She enjoyed it just after it was purchased while it was still indoors – getting face to face with it (also note – one bare foot…the other with the shoe still on in the picture).

My husband and I benefited from the emotional support from that week. Both of us were going through work and health anxieties that improved over the next few months but peaked in March.

My daughter was facing challenges from us encouraging her to walk more on her own (even up and down stairs) and the beginning of ‘potty training.’ She wanted to be outside as much as possible. She still liked to pick up leaves to carry around while she explored.

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She was not talking well but increasingly more opinionated about what she wanted (and didn’t). She enjoyed carrying around her toys and dancing. The family day care provider commented that she enjoyed dancing so much that once she started…all the other children danced with her.

Near the end of the month – while my parents were visiting, my family day care provider let me know that her mother who had been with her for the past 6 months had died and that the day care would be closed for the next few weeks. I quickly found other day care for the interim; the visit of my parents helped the temporary transition to the other day care. I’ll always be glad that my daughter had the attention of the older woman for those few months…extra attention and cuddles are so important for young children (and often an joy of older adult to provide). When I arrived to get my daughter in the afternoons, it always seemed like she was either being held by or standing close to the older woman; when they made eye contact it was obvious: they had a special bond.

And now – moving ahead 30 years – my dad will be celebrating his 90th birthday! Hopefully, the pandemic situation will improve with more vaccinations and I’ll be able to see him soon.

30 years ago – February 1991

I couldn’t find any pictures we took in February 1991. As I looked back through my notes, I found references to us have bad colds/flu – daughter first (with an ear infection) and then me…my husband last. I was busy at work trying to write a proposal while I was sick. I was worried about my parents having trouble buying the house they wanted because of an easement issue, one of my sisters needing surgery, and the sister-in-law that I had never met/that my husband hadn’t seen in almost 20 years communicating sporadically while she was getting rounds of cancer treatment; it was all happening very far away from Maryland but the worries were always there while I did everything else.

On a happier note – we discovered that our 17-month-old daughter had picked up some counting skills (maybe Sesame Street or at day care). Her dad was playing with her one evening dropping disks into a can with a slot…he picked up several and counted…one, two, three, four…as he dropped disks into the slot. She picked up one and dropped it into the slot and said ‘five’…and another and said ‘six.’ We were both so surprised that there was a little pause before we celebrated her accomplishment!

It seems that I always find some nuggets when I look back at notes and pictures from 30 years ago There are events – like the counting skills surprise – that my notes indicate I thought would be something we would always remember…but I didn’t. I’m so glad I have the notes and can savor the surprise again!

30 Years Ago – December 1990

In December 1990, we were challenged to clear out my mother-in-law’s apartment after her funeral in late November and celebrate the holidays with our 15 month old daughter….but we made it.

We had several sessions to box up the apartment (usually while my daughter was at day care) – some to donate and some back to our house. Movers brought the things that came back to our house. My husband handled her last bills, and I did most of the unpacking at our house. The living room of our house was full of boxes for the early part of the month.

It was a lot to do overlaid on putting up holiday decorations and picking out gifts. Remembering it now – I’m sure the flurry of activity associated with the holidays helped lift our mood considerably. One memorable event happened at a shopping center where they had a roving Santa; our daughter’s response when he offered her a candy cane (even though she was standing between me and my husband) was to lay down on the sidewalk and cry….evidently traumatized by the Santa…or maybe it was the candy cane. I scooped her up and she calmed down almost immediately. We didn’t try to do anything else with a Santa that year.

We took her to the Christmas Party for children at IBM (where I worked); we attempted getting her face painted…but she only wanted to sit still for one small design; she enjoyed a large oatmeal raisin cookie…and she got her IBM bear (white bear with an IBM t-shirt) which was a good size bear for her to carry around.

There were lots of things on Christmas that she enjoyed too – a phone (she was getting adept at pushing buttons), a panda bear that was about the same size as her (that was later named Mr. Zebra), and a Little Tikes grocery cart. I noticed in one of the old pictures that she must have used a small red basket I’d bought as part of our Christmas decorations years before she was born as a toy as well…just her size.

Even this early in her life, she’s already accumulated a lot of stuffed animals. We arranged them in her crib, and she liked to be there with them. Note that she was already adept at grabbing the big bears by the ear. She liked having them with her more than blankets!

30 years ago – November 1990

30 years ago I was settling into working full time again even though the work assignment was still very much in flux; the first project was cancelled before it could really get started and I was closing down the work and looking for the ‘what next.’ Concurrently – my 15 month old daughter had acclimated herself to being at day care for the full day 5 days a week…was enjoying cheerios and spaghetti and bubble bath and light switches (not at the same time)…and we flew from Maryland to Texas to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family.

That flight was probably the first flight since she had become mobile; the flight was not full, and she enjoyed small toys and books I had packed to keep her busy on the plane. There was a child a couple of years older in the row behind us on the way down and that helped too; they interacted via the slight crack between the seats. She was still small enough that I could carry her in on my back (we only used the backpack frame for a relatively short time…but it really worked well for those few months); I maneuvered through the airport and onto the plane easily although I noted that contorting myself to get the backpack on and off without assistance caused me to be sore on the travel days.

At my parents’ house, the mulberry leaves had been mostly raked away – but there were still a few to catch the interest of my daughter.

That was one of the few ‘quiet’ times of the visit. She and her cousin (the same age) did a lot together…enjoying the attention of aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

A very memorable experience happened for me that Thanksgiving Day. I was carrying may daughter into my sister’s house and I slipped in the entry way – almost falling backward. My mother saw the whole thing and commented that she was surprised that I was able to stand back up rather than just sitting down hard. I felt sore in my left hip a few hours later as I helped clear away the dishes after our huge meal. It didn’t bother me enough to see a doctor, but I’ve had some reduction in range of motion in that hip since then.

The day after Thanksgiving, my husband – who had stayed in Maryland – called with the news that his mother had died. I immediately changed my flight home to come back that evening. My daughter must have sensed my emotional stress or simply mimicked my subdued demeanor. She was very quiet…cuddled…then went to sleep on the plane. That weekend we took her with us to plan for the funeral and assess what we needed to do for her grandmother’s apartment. The real work and funeral happened while she was in day care the next week. We brought some of the flowers back to the house after the funeral and she looked at them over the baby gate. They were the only part of the funeral ritual she experienced…my husband pulled out one of the carnations for her to smell.

And so – from November 1990 onward – we have a tradition of putting flowers at the grave on Thanksgiving or the day after – silk flowers or a wreath at Thanksgiving, fresh cut flowers for her birthday in June.

30 Years Ago – October 1990

Looking back through pictures and notes from 30 years ago – it was a happy month…but full of big changes that my family handled better than we’d anticipated. I went back to work full time…straight into to proposal team that required full time in the office plus some work at home time. I had just set up an office of my own at home the month before…was still using the IBM PC AT that was over 5 years old. My daughter was already trying to help. Note that I didn’t have a rolling chair yet. We purchased two that month for my husband and I (evidently after the picture was taken) and we still have them!

My planning wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough that we all felt like things were going well. I made pumpkin muffins several times during the month since they were tasty snacks (or mini-meals) that we all enjoyed. And made meal plans each week for my daughter’s lunches packed for day care and our dinners.

My husband and I were thrilled that she took her first steps with us rather than in day care late in September…and then she was off and climbing. Even though we thought we had baby-proofed the house…but we had typical calamities of her running into her indoor tree house face first, hitting her head on the foot board of the bed while climbing up, and almost tilting over the back of her little rocking chair.

We all enjoyed the fall foliage day trip to Catoctin with her riding in the backpack more than walking around. When we got her out to walk around in the leaves, they were deep enough to be at least knee deep for her…and she didn’t want to move around in them!

I was busy making the rounds of yard sales to stock up on larger clothes for her and found some bargains. Most of her clothes were bought used but I couldn’t resist a new green velveteen dress with a big white color that she wore for several holiday pictures in the coming months…and it got handed down to her cousins after it got too small for her…and probably sold at a yard sale 10 years or so later.

30 years ago – September 1990

30 years ago – in September 1990 – my daughter passed her 1-year mark and a few weeks later started to walk rather than cruise. The transition from taking few steps/walking while holding onto something to walking all the time happened on a single day and we took lots of pictures. She even started carrying things in her hands on that day (her favorite being a blanket). She also figured out a way to get on our bed without help – by using the foot board as a step up and then a leg up and over. She might have been motivated by the books that were in the headboard since the first thing she did once she was on the bed was to pull them all out to look at. The cat patiently supervised.

She was speaking in single words…mostly people or food. A day or so after she started walking, she kept repeating ‘book’ as we came into the house from her day care….and she insisted on going up to her bedroom….where she immediately went to the stack of books we had by our rocking chair and pulled out the book she wanted….sat down to look at it. She must have been thinking about it as we drove home.

I had been gradually increasing my work hours during the month and had my full-time assignment that would start October 1. I was making plans for some family travel over Thanksgiving…but concerned that my new assignment had the potential to be in crunch mode at the same time. I was trying to not get too anxious but had not quite acclimated to the mom and career duality. The ‘Sally Forth’ comic strip was becoming my role model of the type relationship my daughter and I would have as she got older….maybe.  

My husband was being supportive…helping more with our daughter and setting up an office for me. This was the time that we went from 1 home computer to 2. I had the best room in the house for my office (a view of our front yard trees from the window).

Unique Activities for Yesterday:

Haze at 30,000 feet. We are having hazy skies in Maryland from smoke created by the fires in California! Evidently the jet stream is carrying the smoke across the northern part of the US. By the time it gets here, it is a thin layer and high enough to not cause air quality issues. We can tell it’s a sunny day because there are shadows on our yard…but the sky is not blue.