Sustaining Elder Care – May 2024

Since my last ‘sustaining elder care’ post, I have been to Dallas twice and am acknowledging that maybe my plan to drive down once a month is not going to work. Two times a month is becoming my more realistic plan.

Now that the days are longer, I can visit in the afternoon on the day I drive down and again in the morning before I drive back to Missouri. My dad is the only morning person in his assisted living group home so visiting him in the morning is prime one-on-one time. He frequently has a ‘first breakfast’ before anyone else is awake (about the time I arrive) and then eats again with everyone else. Between the two light meals we can take a walk around the block or maybe further if his stamina increases; in the summer, the morning walk might be his only walk of the day.

One of the challenges right now is that my dad tends to lose track of his reading glasses (he needs them to work on puzzles). My sister has brought a supply but hopefully some of them will show up again. While we were working on the puzzle during my morning visit, he did it without glasses! He seemed to enjoy the challenge of working from the shape of the piece entirely – and he was successful plenty of times.

I bought 10 more puzzles at the $3/bag day at my Missouri library’s used books (and puzzles) sale. What a bargain! One of them was a duplicate but it still was a good deal! We started the beach and lighthouse puzzle in the upper left corner of the picture below during my first visit in May.

There has been some upheaval at the assisted living home – the lead staff member being reassigned to another home and some leadership being rotated in from other homes – the company searching for a permanent replacement. There is also a new resident in a room near my dad’s. So far, he seems to be unperturbed by the changes, but my sisters and I are thinking more about what our plan would be if something went very wrong at the home where he is.

Previous Elder Care posts

Springfield’s Artsfest

We almost cancelled our plans to go to Springfield’s Artsfest because thunderstorms were in the forecast….but they happened in the early morning rather than during the prime time for Artsfest. We got there about 11 and appreciated the Missouri State University parking garage…much easier than street parking in the area. We enjoyed the long row of artsy vendors along with food trucks, local government/non-profits information tables, and musicians on small stages just far enough away from each other to not clash. It was warm enough that we got a cup of Pineapple Whip almost immediately!

Last year I bought earrings for me and a stainless-steel iris for my mother (for Mother’s Day). I’m not wearing earrings as frequently these days, so I was determined to not buy any new ones (and opted to not even look because they are just so tempting both from habit and my enjoyment of wearable art). I couldn’t resist buying a stainless-steel spider mum from the same vendor that made the iris.

I stopped to talk to one of the artists whose botanical paintings are so textured that they are almost a sculpture coming out of the canvas. I was surprised at the various materials she used in her work; it depended on how far the texture projected from the canvas!

After a little over an hour – we were ready for lunch and opted to stop by my daughter’s house before we headed to a BBQ place. There is always something to notice in her yard:

A small insect on a miniature rose.

A vine that had died last year after an overzealous yard person sprayed too much weed killer nearby coming back and full of unfurling blooms.

The tree that was also impacted by the same killing event is also recovering although some limbs appear to have died and need to be pruned away. I always like the thick lichen on the trunk.

The spider mum was another way of celebrating my mother’s life; when we got home, I put the pink iris from last year in front of one of my office windows (I brought it home when my parents’ house was sold) and the spider mum under the pine tree where I can see it through another window. Good memories for May 2024 and 2023!

Rhododendron

Our rhododendron bloomed profusely this year – no frost damaged buds like last year. The whole bush was covered with blooms. It started in mid-April and all the buds had opened by the first few days of May.

I couldn’t resist a round of macro shots. It was good experience with my new iPhone 15 Pro Max. I like the individual flowers, the flower clusters, the new growth – it is full of photographic opportunities. The bush seems to be growing a lot better this year too; maybe it has recovered from the big drought the summer we moved to Missouri.

Do rhododendrons make good cut flowers? I did a search and discovered that yes…to cut a cluster with some unopened buds and slit the end of the stalk to allow easier water uptake. I put the cluster in a wine glass my parents got for their 50th wedding anniversary from a couple they had met in college and remained friends through the years….savored the flowers in my office.  All the buds eventually opened just as they would have outdoors.

I also learned that sometimes rhododendron need to be pruned but it won’t be this year…and maybe for years to come. My bush is in a place where it can expand in almost every direction. I will probably cut more flower clusters next spring now that I know how well they last indoors and, I guess, that will be the extent of the ‘pruning’ done!

Out and About with Company

When my sister and brother-in-law were visiting – stopping for a few days at a RV park near us before they continued on their month long travels – we enjoyed the botanical gardens and the zoo, then decided on a less active day starting with brunch at my house (I made a ‘full oven’ of food: egg casserole, chunks of seasoned new potatoes, and pumpkin bread) followed by a walk around the Springfield Art Museum and then the Springfield Conservation Nature Center.

The art museum was opening their Art in Bloom event – with the fashion component being the main part available for viewing. My favorite was the creation that was inspired by the hallway long tilted sky – probably my favorite piece in the museum!

Of course, there were plenty of other things to enjoy in the museum – other fashion and art works. I’ve picked some of my favorite views from the pictures it took.

Then we were off to the nature center…not for a hike (one of my guests was having back problems) but for the center itself. The turtle tank was being renovated so there were two large snapping turtles in a tank that was too small for them long term but offered views from two sides. It was a great photographic opportunity.

And then they headed off to prepare for the next leg of their trip.

Then and Now – Family

In the 1960s, I was growing up in a large extended family. My mother had 8 siblings and my father, an only child, was close to his cousins. Most of our traveling was to visit family. By the time I was in elementary school, my parents had a second car, and my mother took us to her parents’ home for a week or so during the summer to see the aunt and uncles…continuously growing number of cousins. I remember my grandfather’s construction projects that included a covered patio/carport with a very long table and bench overlooking a large elm where he’d fashioned a table and benches to fit neatly around its large trunk. We ate every meal aside from breakfast outdoors! There was also a large barbeque pit with a huge grill and an oven built into the chimney. He built a fountain of natural stone near the garden…the swimming pool was a little further away. Prior to the swimming pool being built, he often found a river suitable for swimming for all the aunts and cousins….and he would do some fishing. I enjoyed one-on-one time with my maternal grandmother at her work (she owned/ran the mill); I remember her writing letters to one of her daughters that lived far away over a few days before deciding it was long enough and sending it off.

 My paternal grandparents moved to live near us in the late 50s, so I saw them very frequently – lots of good food, gardening, crocheting, sewing, dominoes and checkers. We saw my dad’s extended family at gatherings held at his paternal aunt’s house. I remember my great aunt had hollyhocks beside her porch. We visited his maternal aunts (and grandmother) that lived in the same town. I associate my great-grandmother with chocolate covered graham crackers and her daughters with plants (my grandmother had a number of plants that she received originally from her sisters).

The food was always plentiful and included veggies from the garden. The paternal side of the family also cooked Czech desserts (kolaches!).

Now the family is significantly smaller. I have 3 sisters and am the only one that lives further away; only 1 of my sisters has children so the number of cousins is small. My husband had 2 sisters, but they are already gone as is his extended family. My sisters and I are transitioning from a relationship that has be very focused on caring for our parents over the past few years – not yet settled into a new normal without our mother. I am not close to my cousins although I have been seeing 3 of them more frequently at funerals recently…realizing that we have in common our adjustment to life after long-lived parents die.

I drive from my home in Missouri to visit my dad near Dallas once or twice a month in his assisted living home. My daughter goes with me sometimes. One sister visits him almost daily. The other two visit once or twice a week when they are town. I try to see at least one of them when I visit Dad. Two of them have visited us in Missouri. We text each other frequently – mostly keeping each other informed about what is happening with Dad. There are infrequent emails, phone calls, or zoom meeting. I enjoy my access to a frequently updated cloud folder of great nephew pictures. The way we keep in touch when we are not together has changed significantly since the 1960s!

Food had changed as well. We seem to all have foods we are avoiding now (and the problematic foods are not the same!)…and desserts are not something we want as frequently. We tend to go to a restaurant for special occasions more often then eating at home.

Previous Then and Now posts

Dickerson Park Zoo – April 2024

My first trip of the season to the Dickerson Park Zoo was back at the end of March (post 1, post 2); my second was near the end of April when my sister and brother-in-law visited. Like the first visit, there were lots of peacocks wandering through the zoo; this time there were peahens too and there were some instances where it looked like the birds were either already incubating eggs…or getting a ‘nest’ ready. There was a male just past the entrance that was actively displaying for a peahen…moving both the upright tail feathers and the supporting structures behind the big tail. The birds were also vocalizing the whole time we were at the zoo.

Daffodils were replaced with irises blooming in clumps along the walkways and the sides of the stream.

I enjoyed the enclosure for flamingos, roseate spoonbills, and scarlet ibis.

There was one flamingo that was sitting and kept its head in the dirt…perhaps not feeling so well. All the other birds seemed to be active (particularly the spoonbills) and enjoying the afternoon.

I zoomed in on some feathers that had been shed in the enclosure. It is interesting that the feathers are white toward the base….very colorful in the part furthest from the body of the bird (when attached).

The trumpeter swans were on the pond as they were last time – perhaps a little perturbed by the tree trimming that was happening nearby.

Both the cheetahs and lions were out – and one of the cheetahs was moving around a lot. It could have been responding to the extra noise.

One bongo was relaxing while the other nibbled at leaves.

I zoomed in on the elephant’s eye – realized that they are amber in color. A keeper came to give hay to the elephant and asked if we had questions. I asked if all elephants have amber eyes and evidently that is the eye color for Asian elephants. The elephant is named Patience and she is a geriatric elephant; she likes to be alone rather than with the other female (they don’t get along).

I took another picture of the little elephant sculpture…probably my favorite sculpture at the zoo. I think the shiny top of its head is where people touch it the most!

It was starting to sprinkle but we wanted to see the giraffes. One of the young ones was intent on getting some grass near the fence.

My brother-in-law became mesmerized watching a little girl held by her mother feed the giraffes romaine lettuce; she was an expert…must do it frequently.

We headed back to the zoo store where my sister bought one of almost every item shaped like a turtle! It was a good finale for our visit to the zoo.

Springfield Botanical Gardens – April 2024

I made my second visit to the Springfield Botanical Gardens in late April when one of my sisters was visiting; my husband and I had gone to the Kite and Pinata Festival earlier in the month. The tulips had been in full bloom during the first visit. There were a few left in late April, but the irises and columbines were the big show. I noticed some native honeysuckle and clematis blooming as well. I made it a goal to make a walk around the gardens at least once a month until cold weather comes again next fall. There will always be something new to see.

My sister and I walked through the Mizumoto Japanese Stroll Garden after viewing the gardens close to the Botanical Center building. I used my Friends of the Garden membership in lieu of the admission fee. I made a small cairn on one of the posts near the rock garden…this time choosing the same type of stone for all three rocks.

The Japanese lanterns are always some of my favorite photographic subjects in the garden. I like the greenery around many of them. The pines are there all year round, but the grasses and yellow iris are only around during the warm months.

The yellow iris grow around the ponds – along with the bald cypress knees that always make the water’s edge look more interesting.

It was a good way to spend a couple of hours….enjoy the beautiful gardens and get in some steps for the day!

Ten Little Celebrations – April 2024

April 2024 has been even more full of little celebrations than usual; it was challenging to choose the top 10!

Traveling with my daughter. Taking a road trip to Dallas (a familiar trek) is quite different when my daughter to with me. We start the driving a bit later and, this time, we stopped in Joplin on the way home for lunch. I celebrated the time in the car…the great conversation.

The life of a cousin. It was bittersweet to go to the funeral of a cousin that was younger than me…but it was clearly a celebration of her life.

20 puzzles for $2 each. The Friends of the Library book sale in my county included puzzles and I celebrated getting 20 of them for my dad and the other residents at his assisted living group home. I also celebrated a return to volunteering - helping with the book sale.

iPhone 15 Pro Max. Getting a new phone is always cause to celebrate….even though I started out a little anxious that it would a little challenging to go from my old Android phone to an iPhone; it was a pleasant surprise to realize it was pretty easy. The only downside was the reduced functionality of the Windows phone link app for text messages; that issue was resolved as soon as I transitioned to a Mac later in the month.

MacBook Air 15”. More new technology I am celebrating; it only took about 24 hours for me to become a fan of the Mac after using Intel-based machines since the 1980s.

Irises. The plants bloomed all at once. In one bed the stalks were too tall for them to remain standing to I cut them to enjoy indoors – celebrated the buds opening all along the stems.

14 ducklings. Seeing Mom Mallard with her ducklings is a great celebration of spring.

Solar Eclipse. So glad we made the effort to position ourselves to see a 2nd solar eclipse (the 1st for me was in 2017). It’s a phenomenon rare enough to be a celebration.

Belted Kingfisher. Celebrating a bird I didn’t expect to see around our neighborhood pond.

Kite and Pinata Festival. The botanical garden is a great place for outdoor celebrations like this.

Sustaining Elder Care – April 2024

2-day trips to Dallas have become the norm for me. I leave early from home, visit my dad immediately after I get to Dallas in the early afternoon and take care of any other business thereafter…then stay in a hotel overnight and drive home the next day. Now that the days are getting longer, perhaps I might visit him a second time in the morning before I head home although the assisted living group home is not ‘early.’ I probably would not want to arrive for a visit before 10 AM.

Dad still enjoys going out to eat and we are exploring more places nearby.

The warmer weather is great for walks. We have discovered that he does better with a four-wheeled walker than the two-wheeled one. The rough pavement makes it very hard to use the two-wheeled one. His balance is much improved holding onto the four-wheeled walker and he walks at a pace that is more like the way he walked prior to using a walker.

He has decided that 500 pieces puzzles are usually too hard…and he wants bigger pieces. I got 10 puzzles for $20 at the library’s used books (and puzzles) sale; knowing what they have is one of the benefits of volunteering for setup. Most of the puzzles I got have 300 pieces and I am hopefull my dad and others at the group home will enjoy putting them together. I picked ones with bright colors too – although that wasn’t a requirement from my dad.

One of my sisters and her husband took my dad to her home to see the eclipse on the 8th. Unfortunately, he didn’t understand what was happening and kept asking where he was. It was a learning experience for our family – we will continue to enjoy taking him out to lunch occasionally but be very careful not to overwhelm him with more complex events away from his assisted living home.

I had thought I would be able to get down to one visit per month…but so far that hasn’t happened.

Previous Elder Care posts

Another Funeral

For the first time in my life, there have been two family funerals in close succession: my mom and, more recently, a cousin. The cousin was 9 years younger than me...succumbed to cancer rather than old age. I’ve discovered that my thoughts spiral in a different direction to the death of someone younger than myself; I suspect they are more intense because I knew her as a child.

I was old enough when she was born to remember her young childhood. We interacted when our visits to our shared grandparents coincided. By the time she was entering her teens, I was married and working full time while going to college part time. Then our grandparents died and I moved to the east coast. In all, there were 50 years when we didn’t see each other at all --- just heard about each other from family members. And then there was a memorable lunch at my uncle’s house during the last overnight travel my parents enjoyed – traveling through Oklahoma to have Thanksgiving at my daughter’s house in Springfield MO in 2019.

After my mother’s death, my dominant thought trended toward being grateful that she’d lived as long as she had….that she was enjoying her life up to the very end. For my cousin, I cycle through feeling like her life ended too soon, regretting not knowing her better over the years, and grateful to learn at her funeral how keen her zest for life had endured.

I don’t dwell on my own mortality very often, but I found myself doing so at my cousin’s funeral. Healthy lifestyle can help us sustain our ability to continue to enjoy our life…but there are a lot of things that happen (accidents, natural disasters, genetics, cancer, etc.) that can evade the benefit healthy lifestyle provides. All my grandparents lived past the life expectancy age, and one lived into her late 90s. Both parents lived into their 90s. So – genetics is probably a positive for me…but there are unpredictable life shortening things that can happen to anyone. The best we can do, is to live every day in the best way that we can.

Then and Now

The is the first post in my Then and Now series that will include my reflections on my ‘growing up decade’ (the 1960s) and now. A lot has changed over those 60 years, and I’ve found myself thinking more about it recently – maybe prompted by my mother’s death or me being 70 years old. Choosing these decades leaves out my career almost entirely – only the perspectives of preparation for it in the 1960s and reaping the benefits from it now in my post-career years.

I was 6 to 16 years old in the 1960s …remembering vivid snippets primarily about friends, family, and school…and a few events in the news (the assassination of John F. Kennedy in 1963 and a tornado that I saw through my school window before the sirens went off on April 3, 1964). In the 1960s I assumed I had a long life ahead of me; now I assume that it will take more and more focused effort on my part to remain healthy and enjoy the years left in my life. The way I live now definitely has roots that began developing in the 1960s!

The posts will focus on a particular aspect that has changed and will come out weekly on Monday mornings. Stay tuned….

When does a road trip become a commute?

The road trips to Carrollton/Dallas TX have been going on for years – increasing in frequency in recent years as my parents got older. Until recently their duration as been for at least a week; from Maryland it was a 2-day road trip in each direction which was reduced to 7 hours once we moved to Missouri. Sometimes I stayed longer – for hospitalizations/recuperation primarily. There were no trips at the beginning of COVID, but they started up again as soon as we were vaccinated. They are almost always on my own and my parents’ house became almost like a second home since I was spending at least 25% of my time there.

Since my mother’s death and the sale of their house, things are changing. I drive down one day and come back on the next – visiting with my dad for a few hours and staying in a hotel overnight. I’ve done it 3 times and am beginning to realize that the road trip feels more like a long commute.

The route is becoming very familiar. I set the navigation system but really don’t need it. The places I stop (usually Loves or Pilot….sometimes Choctaw Travel Centers) are familiar. There was a Stuckeys that I stopped at occasionally, but it was always a bit grungy and I noticed on the last trek that I had closed. My route is not on Interstate for the most part and I am very aware of the speed limits going though towns.

Music helps keep me alert…and variety helps. Apple Music on my phone playing via Bluetooth on the car speakers is the way to go!

There are several assignments I give myself to stay focused on the road and surroundings. Some of my favorites are:

  • Observing birds (particularly hawks in treetops, great blue herons or great egrets flying, soaring vultures, murmurations of smaller birds….hoping to see a bald eagle). It’s depressing to notice hawk or owl roadkill, but it happens.

  • Noticing the trees – particularly in the spring and fall. Recently I have been paying particular attention to red buds which are scattered among the roadside trees….not thrilled about the escaped Bradford Pears (Callery Pears) that are also there.

  • License plates, particularly in Oklahoma, are more varied than in most states because the Oklahoma tribes have their own plates! Most of my observing of plates is during the times I’ve slowed down for a town and there is more traffic.

  • There is plenty of time to plan what I need to do when I get to Dallas…or when I get home. On the way down, I think about topics that might interest my dad and whatever estate actions I need to take. On the way home, I think about blog posts and, this time of year, what I need to do in the yard.

Phone calls generally factor into the time I am in the car – hands free of course. I call my husband to let him know when I will get home, and my daughter usually calls me for a longer chat when she knows I am driving. It helps pass the time.

More focused purpose. I am realizing that the trips have one overwhelming purpose – to see and visit with my dad. It’s a few hours rather than 24/7 for a week like it was before. There is not much time for anything else although brief times out in nature might still happen…although not on every trip.

And that is how my road trips to Texas have become more like a commute.

Birthdays

The birthdays in my family are almost all in March, April, and May! So – I’m thinking about the way we have celebrated birthdays over the years. The age range for the group of 8 is 2-93 years!

Food has always played a big role in birthday celebrations. Sometimes there was cake – bakery (I remember a few in the 1960s where the cake was in the form of an elaborate dress around a Barbie doll), homemade, or ice cream (strawberry or mint chocolate chip being the most popular flavors). Recently there hasn’t been cake for most adult birthdays since we’re all reducing sugar in our diets. But we do enjoy a meal at a restaurant…or take out…or a special home cooked meal. When I was growing up, my paternal grandmother was the one that prepared most special meals which always included her Czech pastries: buns with raisin centers, kolaches and cinnamon rolls.

If we can’t be at the celebration in person, we at least acknowledge the birthday. These days I send texts …previously we sent emails…and further back there were cards. Since all the people with spring birthdays live in the Dallas area, most of the family manages to participate in the celebration….except for my family who live in Missouri.

As we’ve gotten older, there are less presents exchanged…it’s the time spent together that is the primary component. We tend to get things for each other in a more ad hoc way and try to avoid presents that will simply be ‘stuff’ that accumulates through the years.

The oldest of us (my dad) enjoys a good meal so there will be one on his birthday…but he enjoys the outings to a restaurant so much that we are doing it more frequently. My sisters and I are all keen to discover what he likes…and provide it! We don’t need the excuse of a birthday or other celebration… we are simply in the mode of savoring that he is still with us!

Sustaining Elder Care – March 2024

A recap: My sisters and I started our journey ramping up elder care back in November. At first we thought we were being proactive in our conversation about ‘next steps’ with my parents’ doctor….but, less than a week later, my mother was critically ill and in the hospital. I spent the next 7 weeks in Texas. My mother managed to recover enough to come home before Thanksgiving even though she needed a lot of support at home. We hired caregivers to assist her at night through December and moved my parents to an assisted living group home just before the new year. As we worked to get them settled into the assisted living routine, we started a surge of effort to get their house cleared and on the market; the sale was finalized at the end of February. Both parents responded favorably to assisted living and decided they wanted to go out to eat occasionally rather than having special meals via take out as we had done for them at their house. In mid-February, they became sick with COVID…my dad first; he got Paxlovid and was recovering. My mother tested positive a few days later; her doctor adjusted her meds and she got Paxlovid; at first her case seemed even less symptomatic than my dad’s; the staff at the group home thought her breathing was wheezy one afternoon (even though my mother did not think she was having breathing problems) and sent her to the hospital via ambulance; she died 2 hours later.

The last few weeks have been busy ones. We reconfigured my dad’s living space from two rooms down to one and are in the process adjusting the assets my mom and dad accumulated to support his long-term care. As I write this, I realize that we have already settled into a ‘sustaining’ rather than ‘ramping up’ mind set. It isn’t that we won’t evolve what we do based on my dad’s needs…but we have a framework that will stay the same: the assisted living group home…daily visits from family….out to eat several times a month…walking in the neighborhood when the weather is good. Right now, he is still adjusting to not having mom around all the time; she was there for him for over 71 years. We are grateful to the staff of the assisted living for their increased attention. He still has times when he looks lonely…but he is talking more than he did when mom was around to talk for him.

Going forward, my trips to Texas will be quick ones – drive down and visit with dad in the afternoon before I head to my hotel, drive home the next day. Sometimes I will visit with dad in the morning before I drive back. I have done 2 of these trips so far in March. My sisters are there more frequently because they live closer than I do – one is there almost every day, another comes 2-3 times per week, another once or twice a week. Along with taking him out to eat, we put out his clothes for the next day, work on a puzzle with him, accompany him on a walk, help him find something that he lost (his wallet with his id and he glasses tend to go missing).

My sisters and I have had conversations about how much we have accomplished in the past few months – having to adjust very rapidly. We are not exactly relaxed at this point, but the stress level is dramatically lower!

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023, January 2024, February 2024, March 2024 (1)

Macro Photography – March 2024

Sometimes I get in the mood for macro photography. It has happened several times this month.

The first was at my mother’s funeral. I was thinking about the bouquet of daffodils/narcissus that her neighbor cut from their old yard (with the new owner’s permission) and decided to take some macro views of the flowers while we were waiting for the service to begin. I thought about all the joy my mother experienced with her garden…with the flowers growing there and the ones she cut to bring inside. And that she transmitted that joy to her daughters.

The second round of macro photography was when I trimmed some low branches from one of my pine trees and decided to take a closer look at one of the branches.

Pine cones are so sturdy….they are hard on my lawn mower…but there is a fragile aspect to them too. At close range they are wrinkled and folded and etched.

The bark on a small stem shows where needles once grew and the expansion of the stem making brown islands in gray green.nce.

The bud at the end of stem looks reddish surrounded by green needles. Once again – I realize how much color there is that is unnoticed until we take a closer look.

The last macro photograph is one my daughter sent via text when she visited the Memphis Botanic Garden recently. She knows how much I enjoy finding fiddleheads….and evidently had caught the macro photography bug too. These were interesting because of the felt-like covering that must have protected them until they started to unfurl.

Hagerman National Wildlife Refuge – March 2024

My March visit to Hagerman National Wildlife Refuge was on my way home the day after my mother’s funeral in Dallas. I needed the healing of being out in a natural place like Hagerman. There were the usual male red-wing blackbirds proclaiming spring and their territory. Several times I could see males spaced out over the landscape…a visible cue for the size of their territories.

There were American wigeon, gadwalls, northern pintails, and American coots on the water in small numbers. A neotropic cormorant was enjoying the warming sun on its wings. Some birds had probably already headed north.

There was a group of 2 great blue herons and a great egret in sentry mode. They must have already had their breakfast because they didn’t move while I was watching.

A vocal cardinal perched in a tree near the road.

I had two favorite birds of the morning: a killdeer that was posturing in a field just as started down the wildlife loop road (it looked like it was signaling something…but I don’t know what) and

A female common goldeneye…the first I had seen at Hagerman. This bird would certainly be moving north soon since most of their breeding area is in Canada and Alaska!

I continued home…glad that I had made the effort to photograph birds at Hagerman.

Gleanings of the Week Ending March 9, 2024

The items below were ‘the cream’ of the articles and websites I found this past week. Click on the light green text to look at the article.

The benefits of trees – From an architect’s perspective…working with trees rather than just around them.

How the color orange got its name – Orange was my mother’s favorite color for many years. She had the door of the house they built painted orange! So - this post caught my attention. In English, before the turn of the 16th century, orange objects would be simply known as “yellow-red” or “geoluhread” in Middle English. There are also records of the word “saffron” being used to as a replacement for “orange” as a descriptor. Oranges, the fruit, take their name from the Sanskrit nāraṅga meaning orange tree. Nāraṅga morphed via the Persian word nâranj and the French pomme d’orenge, meaning “apple of the orange tree.”

Quality time with Pocket Gophers - Pocket gophers spend most of their lives underground. There are some 38 species found across a wide swath of central and North America. In many areas, they’re abundant. And yet, many people have never seen one.

Scientists shocked to discover new species of green anaconda, the world’s biggest snake - Green anacondas are the world’s heaviest snakes, and among the longest. Predominantly found in rivers and wetlands in South America, they are renowned for their lightning speed and ability to asphyxiate huge prey then swallow them whole. New research upends scientific understanding of this magnificent creature, revealing it is actually two genetically different species. The snakes are well-adapted to a life lived mostly in water. Their nostrils and eyes are on top of their head, so they can see and breathe while the rest of their body is submerged. Anacondas are olive-colored with large black spots, enabling them to blend in with their surroundings. The two species of green anaconda look almost identical, and no obvious geographical barrier exists to separate them. But their level of genetic divergence – 5.5% – is staggering. By comparison, the genetic difference between humans and apes is about 2%.

Helping caregivers help people with dementia eat at home - Over 80% of people with dementia in the United States live at home. An estimated 60% of home-based patients aren't able to routinely eat or prepare food on their own. Professionals recommended:

  • Lowering auditory and visual distractions.

  • Eliminating household clutter, clearing pathways and improving lighting.

  • Providing written instructions to guide patients' mealtime activities.

Untraceable ingredients and unrecycled packaging: Why sustainable skincare is so hard to find - Short of a chemistry degree, understanding how to make sustainable skincare choices is no easy task for consumers.

Escaping HomeOne of the last birding field trips we did before moving from Maryland was along the Harriet Tubman Byway. The post includes an image of the area from NASA’s Landsat 9 and historical background.

Peek Inside the Ancient Egyptian Tomb of Neferhotep, Now Open to the Public - Revitalizing ancient artifacts is no easy lift. All the wall paintings, reliefs, and sculptures required stabilizing loose stone fragments, cracks, detached plaster, and paint layers, not to mention cleaning and preserving surfaces damaged by fire and time. The restoration project started in 2000.

Discovering Mammoth Cave’s Oceanic Past - Creatures that lived in an ancient seaway that covered the landscape known today as Kentucky some 325 million years ago: crinoids, horn coral, brachiopods…small dark slashes that indicate shark teeth…a dorsal fin spine…a large piece of shoulder skeletal cartilage.

Saguaro Arms and Other Cactus Musings in Tucson – Remembering Saguaro National Park from my daughter’s graduate school years in Tucson. The research about the arms is interesting: The working theory is that saguaros start their branching at a certain size, not a certain age. Initial data indicates that saguaros tend to grow their first arm facing the south or southeast, often when they’re around 11-feet tall. Second arms often grow facing north. Arms seem to grow in a way that maintains symmetry and allows the saguaro to keep its balance.

Ramping up Elder Care – March 2024 (1)

A lot has happened in the last few weeks, so I am going to write 2 ‘ramping up elder care’ posts in March. In my mid-February post, I wrote “Are we through the bend…or is more to come before we settle into the new normal?” We were already getting accustomed to my parents’ house being sold…but we were also anxious with my dad testing positive for COVID. My mother tested positive a few days after he did….and died suddenly  few days later after being in the hospital for about 2 hours. So - the bend in my family’s collective life path is continuing into March.

My mother’s funeral was on the 1st. Dad was pleased with his appearance for the funeral; one of the assisted living staff helped him get into his suit (which he had not worn for a few years --- the last time was to a granddaughter’s wedding)…found another shirt so the neck would button and he could wear a tie! My sisters and I alternated being with him during the visitation and service. He seemed to enjoy my slide-by-slide narration of the pictures of Mother’s life from a young child to a few days before she died at 92. He also liked the limo. He did not like seeing Mother in the casket…thought it didn’t look like her even though he acknowledged that it was. He looked a few times then seemed to prefer watching the slideshow.

 My dad is grieving but very engaged with the reconfiguration of his living area at the assisted living group home. We started setting expectations a few days before the funeral so he would not be surprised when the furniture moves started to happen and it helped him internalize that mother was not coming back. The bed my mother has been using was one provided by the assisted living home and it was removed while we were at the funeral. We were all relieved that he didn’t seem traumatized that it was gone.   He is talking more than usual (he previously has always deferred to mother) ….and is more opinionated about how he would like things arranged. My sisters and I are spending more time with him, and the staff is very helpful. The staff has figured out that a small serving of ice cream is a great treat for him…and smooths out rough emotional times. So far – he seems to be surprising us with how well he is navigating his ‘new normal’ without his partner for over 71 years.

My dad’s reactions have been so positive that my sisters and I have already cleared away most of my mother’s belongings. It was a good time for us to talk to each other and him….noting some of the clothes she had worn for years…and others that were almost new…and trying out ideas for where furniture would be moved.

I don’t know for sure that we are at a new normal yet. We are with him more than usual…just to be sure he is OK. So far…he seems to be.

A few last pictures from my parents back yard the day before we closed on the 28th:

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

One of the neighbors asked the new owner if he could cut the narcissus and daffodil flowers from the yard to bring to the funeral….and the new owner said yes!

Previous posts: November 2023, November 2023 update, December 2023, January 2024, February 2024

Zentangle® – February 2024

February was a stressful month. The pile of tiles I selected these 29 from was finished before the death of my mother. At the end of March….I’ll look at what might be different about the before and after tiles. As I write this post, I am still in the stage of being preoccupied and cycling through various stages of grief; when I think I have reached  level of acceptance, I find myself thinking ‘oh mom would enjoy hearing/seeing this’ before I consciously remind myself that she is gone; I am realizing that my subconscious is churning away and interfering with my ability to focus too.

The square tiles this month are made on the usual neon colored card stock. Most of the time I can make patterns on both sides of the tile…unless I use the thicker pens and the color bleeds through.

The rectangular tiles are a mix of recycled light weight cardboard from cat food boxes (light brown), the wider tiles that are textured stationery from my dad’s business over 30 years ago that I found in his office when we cleaned it out, and the pale yellow/green 3x5 cards are also from his office (he carried them in his shirt pocket for notes….and then stopped about 5 years ago).

The past few months have re-enforced my self-knowledge that making a Zentangle tile (or two or three…) every day helps me through stressful times.

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The Zentangle® Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. “Zentangle” is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc. Learn more at zentangle.com.

Death of my Mother

My mother died a little over a week ago. She was in her 90s and frail…had survived some significant health challenges over the last decade; I thought I had internalized that her death could happen at any time, but it surprised me. It happened very quickly.

My thoughts are still jumping all over the place…

I am savoring the last times I saw her a little over a week before her death – taking her and my dad out to lunch at a new restaurant, talking to them while they ate breakfast the next morning. She had gotten her hair cut and styled by the woman that had done it for the over 40 years recently and was looking great. They both seemed happy. Good times!

One of my sisters cut some of the Japanese quince and added it to a bouquet of other flowers a few days before her death; I am so pleased that my sister did that since Mother had always cut some from the bush in recent years…the first flowers of spring.

She was a very organized person and passed that along to all her daughters along with practical knowledge of households. She went back to college when I was a teenager….started her career as a teacher before I graduated from high school. I’ve always thought of her as a near perfect mother figure. When I had my own daughter….I knew what kind of mother I wanted to be.

My mother was in my life for over 70 years….it might be one metric I won’t be able to duplicate with my own daughter (I will be 105 when she is 70).

My mother recognized how introverted I was very early on. When I wanted to stay in the car while she went into the post office or store, she encouraged me to go in with her. She sent me to ‘charm’ school. She volunteered for my Camp Fire Girls group. She encouraged me to apply to Up with People (and travel during my junior year of high school). She introduced me to her female college professors to expand the role models I had. I will never be an extrovert…but I do have a lot of people skills that were developed even before I entered the workforce and began to get ‘management training.’

There are little lessons that I’ve learned from my mother more recently about aging gracefully:

  • Cut flowers from the yard are wonderful (require developing a yard for flowers). Buying cut flowers is OK (but second best).

  • Family pictures that are easy to see frequently should share space with art.

  • Regular exercise is important….using as many different muscles as possible.

  • Following instructions for physical therapy and medication is important but can be a challenge.

  • Splurges are OK…in moderation.

  • One of the things she said as part of her greeting when I arrived for a visit was ‘I am so glad you are here’…and she repeated that each night as she headed back to her bedroom. Maybe that is one of the biggest lessons of all….to appreciate the people around you and let them know that you do.